BABY?!?!?!?!

.....So I've moved past the element of surprise and am now residing in a state of euphoria. Hearing the heartbeat of something you created with the woman you love makes all other things surrounding me fall to the wayside and irrelevant. Unemployment, unstable housing, dreadful weather, our god-awful economy, the constant pressure to be progressing in life........none of these mattered while listening to that little heart beating at its torrid pace. "He" must be as excited as I am about "his" arrival. I say "he" making it seem as if I'm biased towards wanting a boy. We have this ongoing discussion about what we think it is, what we want it to be, and would be disappointed if we didn't get what we want. While she "wants" a girl and I "want" a boy. I think we both agree on the fact that all we really care for is a healthy baby, boy or girl. Even though the sex of the baby is determined at conception, we have had some insight from some that seem to think there is a scientific approach to choosing which sex you will make. In all reality, I could care less.....its either gonna be Daddy's little man or Daddy's little girl...I'll take either one at this point. Often I find myself wishing the baby to be here now....like this instance. Not that I am actually ready for that to happen, financially, physically, or emotionally, but all the talk about it has me eager to meet this being we have created. I really should look at this pregnancy like one is supposed to look at life, its not about the destination but the journey to get there....or something like that. While there are many uncomfortable times during pregnancy, yes even for us men, there are some very touching moments and I'm only a few months into this. The heartbeat got me down deep but now everytime I look down at her stomach (since I cant technically see the uterus) I think there is something special in there. When we are laying around watching a movie, I rub her belly and just wonder what is going on in there. I look forward to each doctors appointment just because I get to see progress and life forming in front of my very eyes. The books tell you about the emotional rollercoaster during pregnancy and blame it on hormones and such. At first I thought it was just one of those things they stereotype at pregnancy. Along with all the great things we are experiencing together, there is little petty arguments and disagreements that just escalate from nothing. I like to blame them on the pregnancy so I try to back off a little but it is taxing on a relationship. We argue about what to eat for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to go to the gym, when to go to bed, what to wear, which car to drive, where to go shopping. When I say "It's cold outside, which coat would you like?"....she responds "I don't need a coat, I have a sweater on". While she may be perfectly fine and warm, I'm wondering "what if the baby is cold?" He cant tap her on the belly and say "I'm chilly mommy, put on a coat" From her perspective it may seem as though I'm trying to force her into wearing a coat but in reality I'm just trying to do whats best to protect the both of them. If it is starting already I am afraid of what I might turn into once he/she gets here. I dont want to turn into the parent that puts saran wrap around everything and constantly bathes the child in hand sanitizer. I suppose there is a fine line to walk here and I'm teetering on the more protective side. I suppose I just need to take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that everything is going to be fine. She will not freeze without her coat, I will not die if I do not get to watch an overly bloody, violent movie, and we will grow as a family with the addition of a boy or girl.
-Jacob-

And the cat is out of the bag...

So the parental units show up late Friday evening (Jan. 29th). As we helped them get their bags in, JP passed me each time with a nervous grin. He couldn’t hardly contain himself! I was surprisingly calm. Extremely calm. I had been all week! I even considered peeing on another test just to be absolutely sure before they walked in the door….it just seems so surreal! Meanwhile JP had counted each day. I wasn’t nervous until the time was nearing and I caught a glimpse of the wrapped gift under the cocktail table. With pie eaten and bed time looming…I grabbed the gift and told mom she had one more gift from Christmas that she needed to open. She looked so confused. I told her we found it. So she opened the package with a quizzical look. She peeled back the tissue paper with 4 eyes on her (me and JP) and 4 eyes on the package (Dad and herself). She looks down to see a printed Kid’s First license plate with “NOMA 2” written on it. I saw Dad look away instantly with a slight grin. Mom kept looking with the quizzical face and finally said “You got me a license plate?” Then she got it. She slowly lifted the license plate to see two ultrasound pictures of our little sea creature at 7 weeks. Then the hugging and awwwing and smiles began. The weekend followed with lots of touching of the belly, online crib shopping and lots of talking. They asked the “Will you get married” question, but I think already knew the answer. We explained how we want the wedding to be about us and the love we have for each other, and not about the baby. It will come in due time.

Then came the calls to the sisters, brothers, grandparents and about a week later, to the friends. I think so many people were really thrown off by the lack of squealing-with-excitement. While I was definitely excited, the whole thing just wouldn’t sink in. I saw it on the ultrasound. I knew it was real. But I felt no different. Was there really something in there?

On February 12th, I had my first OB appointment. Full exam, tons of information on things to do and things not to do, and listening to the heartbeat. We weren’t sure going into this appointment if we would be able to hear it, so I went to the appointment alone. Sure enough the nurse said they would try to see if they could hear it. With an urgent “Come now….hurry” text to JP, he showed up just in time. He sat through the question and answer time, and even had many questions of his own. Like when will the gas calm down. And when will she stop waking me up all freaked out from a bad dream. Unfortunately, the answers weren’t what he had hoped, but instead what he had suspected. It’ll be awhile. Then Anna, the Nurse Practioner, laid me back and started hunting for the heartbeat. She explained that it was quite early to be able to hear using the Doppler and if we didn’t hear anything, she would do a quick ultrasound. A few seconds later we heard a boom…..boom…..boom. She quickly noted that was mine. She explained we were trying to hear something much faster. And just as the words were out of her mouth…there it was. A steady and quick little beating. I was staring at the ceiling and burst into tears. I looked quickly at a smiling Anna who said, “Yep, that’s it!” She then said how amazed she was that it was so loud and strong at such an early stage. JP let out a “That’s my boy!” I looked over at him and he had the biggest glowing smile I think I have ever seen. Now I was excited. I heard our tiny little human being. There really is something in there. A strong, living and beating human being. A baby.

It hit me…..I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!

It's REAL!!!!!!!

.....So my first trip ever to the OBGYN was quite a hit. To me, I see how it can be either an exciting or emotionally upsetting experience for a pregnant woman. There are baby pictures, new mom magazines, pregnant women and young babies everywhere. As we sat there, I felt as though I was about to get my teeth cleaned or get a physical for school. Nervous I was not, excited, yes. As we were called back into the room, I grew antsy. The doctor could not come quick enough as I wanted to see first hand that we had created another human. I've read all about it in books and heard from other people about the process but never experienced it myself and now is my chance. The doctor introduced himself and seemed like quite a nice guy. He was very polite and seemed just as excited himself to see what we had on our hands. As he moved the little wand around, I grew weary as I did not see anything at first. Then it happened..........a little sliver of something pulsating. He said "There it is, that is the first formation of the heart and it is beating strong". I just stared in shock as I cant believe what I am seeing. I just saw the beginning of human life, life we created. This, I'm sure is going to be a milestone sensation along this journey we call pregnancy. The doctor printed off a couple pictures of our little heartbeat and we went about our way. We ate lunch afterwards and neither one of us knew what to say. All I could think was how are we going to break the news to everyone? How are they going to react? Should we wait? Should we tell everyone or just certain people? My parents do not have any grandchildren so I feel this is almost as important to them as it is to me. We decided to break the news to my parents first as they were the closest and most convenient to meet with. This is not the kind of news you tell on the phone or through text or email if you can help it. We had plans made to have a celebratory dinner for Betsy (Step-mom), and Krystin (Sister) on Jan. 23. This seems like as good as time as any right? Well, it turns out we have dinner with my dad and Betsy by ourselves on the night before. The suspense was killing me. How am I going to hold this news in while we sit and have small talk at dinner. I was nervous before we even got to Gloucester so by this point at the table I'm terrified. My mouth is dry as can be and my legs feel weak. I could sense a trembling voice but was told later it sounded normal. "We took some pictures last week." I say. "Oh yea? What kind of pictures? You getting your Christmas card picture out of the way early?" says Dad. Little did he know, I had brought along the ultrasound pictures of his first grandchild. So I whipped the pictures out and shove them over to him. "Is this real? What is this?........(silence ensues)". "Yes, its real" I say. "Congratulations!!!!" I'm not so sure reality had sunk in for him yet either as he sat chewing his food quietly for a few minutes. I sat waiting for the parental comments to fly. "So when is the wedding?". I knew that would be a large topic of discussion with both of our parents. Having a child out of wedlock was not commonplace in the previous generation. In fact, it was frowned upon. Katie and I had discussed the possibility of having kids before marriage before we even conceived this time. We had both agreed that we will be married in time and will not marry for the simple fact of being legally bound before we bring a child into the world. We had already committed to one another and this was strong enough in our eyes to not have to rush to the alter to solidify our devotion. This, however, was not enough in my dad's eyes. His disbelief that we had not planned to wed before the birth of our child had baffled him. "It's preposterous". Well, I guess we cant do it the right way the first time. What fun would that be? We discussed back and forth the pros and cons of marriage before children and we eventually agreed to disagree. We would not be pressured into a marriage for the mere fact that it's how they did it in all generations before us. It may have been looked at as ludicrous but so was divorce in those days and look where we are today. The highest percentage rate of marriage failure in the world. Anyhow, lets move on. Now that the cat is out of the bag, the next question is who can they tell. They were sworn to secrecy due to the fact that Katie's parents had not been told. To be fair and share the excitement with them, we did not want anyone else to know yet, including siblings. The pressure was off of me now....sort of. Now I could sit back and watch as Katie divulges the grandest news her parents have heard since the news of their first grandchild 5 years ago. Now I know I would have questions to answer and explanations to give so I am preparing myself waiting for the big day. The more I type this, the more nervous I get as I realize I'm just as much involved in the conversation as she is. Her parents are scheduled to come visit this coming weekend and will be here Friday. While Katie and I share our own excitement, we still have so many to tell. The news will come as a surprise to some, "about time" and "I told you so" to others, and bring some people speechless I'm sure. Seeing everyone's reaction is half the fun. When I got home from my dad's house I figured it was time to clue in my mom. I called her up as she is too far away to schedule a face-to-face meeting on an upcoming weekend. "Make plans in September to come visit your grandbaby" I told her. After that, all I heard was a high pitched noise coming from the phone. I guess you could say that was excitement. Inside I'm sure she was in disbelief but she claimed "I knew it". She must have superhuman powers because I sure didn't think it had happened and still am waiting to see the signs of pregnancy in Katie. I guess you could say we are fortunate that she is not feeling all the adverse effects of pregnancy........yet. Lets cross our fingers.

-Jacob-

Let me see it already.......

This past week, the week post-test, has been crazy. We told each other we wouldn't get excited until the appointment on the 14th......when we might see a little heartbeat. I can't even imagine what seeing that on screen must be like. I don't feel pregnant other than being hungry all the time, sore breasts, and the fact that I could cry at the most ridiculous things. But regardless, we wanted to hold our excitement back until we have the visual confirmation. That's a lot of pressure on something the size of a sprinkle. But no matter how hard we tried, each passing day we talk hesitantly about something else. On January 7th, JP talked to my tummy for the first time. In our nightly shower, he leaned down and screamed at my belly that it "will be a boy." All I could do was shoo him and giggle :) We've begun to talk about everything from names, to all of the responsibility, to baby clutter that will soon envelop our household, and how exactly we will obtain all of these "necessities." As my work clothes grow tighter....I can't help but wonder if it is just holiday catching up to me or really an expanding baby chamber. Nonetheless, the knowledge that 1000-1500 calories will be used for breastfeeding is somewhat mind-easing...

The most looming subject that has crept into our conversations this week is breaking the news. The most important part is being able to tell in person. And it just so happens that we will see both parents (rather grand-parents to be) in person in the coming weeks. If we do see that heartbeat on Thursday, JP will be up to bat first! YES!! Followed by my parents the next weekend. If not, we will have to wait until 8 weeks and I will have to go first. Again, so much pressure on our little sprinkle....

First task: Withhold excitement = Fail.

-Katie-

It was all a dream......

......or so we thought. The constant joking and subtle hints that were constantly surrounding us have turned a once laughing matter into a life-changing event. January 3, a home test was taken and as it mysteriously comes back with a second pink line we look on in disbelief. A second was taken because the first is a little questionable: "is that a pink line? Is that line supposed to be there? Maybe its a faulty test." Low and behold, the second confirmed the first and now we are faced with the question of "Is this truly happening?" An appointment to the Dr was in line for January 6. Hopefully this man can shed some light on the subject and confirm what we have stumbled upon. The days leading up to the doctors appointment were filled with a rollercoaster of emotion by us both. Disbelief followed by fear and a sense of overwhelming responsibility. A hint of excitement trickled in my mind but I did not want to put too much into a $15 dollar test and the problems that can incur during the first detrimental weeks of early pregnancy. After going to the doctor, a call comes back the day after and it was the Dr himself. "Your HCG levels are around 8000 which corresponds right along with your suspected date of conception, congratulations". With this confirmation, I go from skeptical and worried to a higher state of excitement. This is it. This is the big one. No more games and joking. We created another being and it will be here in 9 months. So many variables, questions, uncertainties. No point in being scared anymore. With each day passing, I look at it more of something amazing and special and less of an accident or "issue" that arose.

-Jacob-