"Ohhhhh nooooo"

Me: So, I’ve got some news!
Him: You aren’t leaving are you?
Me: Nope! But I am pregnant.
Him: What?! Oh my. Ohhhhh myyyyy…..
Me: (laughing) yep!
Him: Ohhhhh nooooooo!
Me: What?! What’s wrong?
Him: Well, (clears throat) I mean…..what’s next?
Me: Well, I guess we have a baby!

That was my favorite reaction to the news thus far. I still chuckle about it! As I have begun to tell people at work, you can tell they are DYING to ask, when’s the wedding? But no one will! And if they don’t have the kahunas to ask…then they won’t get my response on the subject.

Other breaking of the news went great. I told 3 of my 8 bosses this week. The Chairman, a Commissioner and the County Manager. All of them reacted in much of the same way. Huge smiles, stories of their own children, plenty of congratulations, and even offers of putting a crib in the meeting room. The Chairman was left speechless and finally said “I feel like my 17 year old little girl just told me she was pregnant!” He ended the convo with “whatever you do, don’t miss a day. Bring the baby to work.” I said “I don’t know, there may be a couple days where I am not here” thinking it has to get into this world somehow!

The more people I tell, the more real it gets! After hearing the heartbeat, everything became real and sharing the news became exciting, often times fun, and not anxiety producing like in the beginning. I’m with JP, I’m ready for “her” to be here now! But am trying to take it each day at a time, enjoy being in regular clothes for a little while longer and looking forward to each step. But I still can’t help counting down the days until my next appointment when we can hear that beautiful sound again.

I had an eye opening moment this week. The doctor asked about my diet and encouraged more protein. So I have gotten up each morning 10 minutes earlier to make an old favorite…an egg, cheese and ham in a tortilla wrap. The second morning while I was folding the wrap in aluminum foil to take to work, it hit me. Mom used to do this for us all the time (with the addition of fresh herbs cut that morning from the garden). Even into high school. HIGH SCHOOL! In high school I should have been making my own wrap! But between her getting ready for work and getting everyone out of the door on time, she took time to make sure we had a nutritious breakfast. I found myself wondering, am I ready to do that? Am I ready to shorten my “me” time in the morning (and every other part of the day) to make a wrap every day for someone else? But then I know once I lay eyes on that tiny bundle of love, giving the world to him/her will not feel like enough. And then I’m ready to have the baby here with me now. Besides….the baby won’t be quite ready for wraps in the beginning anyways ;)

My favorite part of the day has been going home to reenact the reactions of the day for JP. We giggle about them and always find ourselves in a much deeper conversation about details of life once the baby is here. I have begun to wonder, what did we even talk about before all of this?

We’ve recently begun a spinning class. I have gotten many reactions from this. "Ohhh you shouldn’t do that." And "Oh that’s good because you can work out as hard or easy as you want!" JP has been reading in some of the many books we have been given and apparently read a passage regarding my heart rate and the need to keep it under a certain number. Last night as the instructor yells “SPRINT” I look up in the mirrored wall to see JP glaring at me. I look over and he points to his chest and then to the floor as if to sign “keep that heart rate down!” It’s times like these, and even sometimes just as I stand beside him doing dishes at the end of the night, I think how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, sensitive and caring person to share a child with. That man is my B.D.

And I find it isn't in spinning class, or right before I tell someone the news, but times like those when I struggle to keep my heart rate down...

BABY?!?!?!?!

.....So I've moved past the element of surprise and am now residing in a state of euphoria. Hearing the heartbeat of something you created with the woman you love makes all other things surrounding me fall to the wayside and irrelevant. Unemployment, unstable housing, dreadful weather, our god-awful economy, the constant pressure to be progressing in life........none of these mattered while listening to that little heart beating at its torrid pace. "He" must be as excited as I am about "his" arrival. I say "he" making it seem as if I'm biased towards wanting a boy. We have this ongoing discussion about what we think it is, what we want it to be, and would be disappointed if we didn't get what we want. While she "wants" a girl and I "want" a boy. I think we both agree on the fact that all we really care for is a healthy baby, boy or girl. Even though the sex of the baby is determined at conception, we have had some insight from some that seem to think there is a scientific approach to choosing which sex you will make. In all reality, I could care less.....its either gonna be Daddy's little man or Daddy's little girl...I'll take either one at this point. Often I find myself wishing the baby to be here now....like this instance. Not that I am actually ready for that to happen, financially, physically, or emotionally, but all the talk about it has me eager to meet this being we have created. I really should look at this pregnancy like one is supposed to look at life, its not about the destination but the journey to get there....or something like that. While there are many uncomfortable times during pregnancy, yes even for us men, there are some very touching moments and I'm only a few months into this. The heartbeat got me down deep but now everytime I look down at her stomach (since I cant technically see the uterus) I think there is something special in there. When we are laying around watching a movie, I rub her belly and just wonder what is going on in there. I look forward to each doctors appointment just because I get to see progress and life forming in front of my very eyes. The books tell you about the emotional rollercoaster during pregnancy and blame it on hormones and such. At first I thought it was just one of those things they stereotype at pregnancy. Along with all the great things we are experiencing together, there is little petty arguments and disagreements that just escalate from nothing. I like to blame them on the pregnancy so I try to back off a little but it is taxing on a relationship. We argue about what to eat for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to go to the gym, when to go to bed, what to wear, which car to drive, where to go shopping. When I say "It's cold outside, which coat would you like?"....she responds "I don't need a coat, I have a sweater on". While she may be perfectly fine and warm, I'm wondering "what if the baby is cold?" He cant tap her on the belly and say "I'm chilly mommy, put on a coat" From her perspective it may seem as though I'm trying to force her into wearing a coat but in reality I'm just trying to do whats best to protect the both of them. If it is starting already I am afraid of what I might turn into once he/she gets here. I dont want to turn into the parent that puts saran wrap around everything and constantly bathes the child in hand sanitizer. I suppose there is a fine line to walk here and I'm teetering on the more protective side. I suppose I just need to take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that everything is going to be fine. She will not freeze without her coat, I will not die if I do not get to watch an overly bloody, violent movie, and we will grow as a family with the addition of a boy or girl.
-Jacob-

And the cat is out of the bag...

So the parental units show up late Friday evening (Jan. 29th). As we helped them get their bags in, JP passed me each time with a nervous grin. He couldn’t hardly contain himself! I was surprisingly calm. Extremely calm. I had been all week! I even considered peeing on another test just to be absolutely sure before they walked in the door….it just seems so surreal! Meanwhile JP had counted each day. I wasn’t nervous until the time was nearing and I caught a glimpse of the wrapped gift under the cocktail table. With pie eaten and bed time looming…I grabbed the gift and told mom she had one more gift from Christmas that she needed to open. She looked so confused. I told her we found it. So she opened the package with a quizzical look. She peeled back the tissue paper with 4 eyes on her (me and JP) and 4 eyes on the package (Dad and herself). She looks down to see a printed Kid’s First license plate with “NOMA 2” written on it. I saw Dad look away instantly with a slight grin. Mom kept looking with the quizzical face and finally said “You got me a license plate?” Then she got it. She slowly lifted the license plate to see two ultrasound pictures of our little sea creature at 7 weeks. Then the hugging and awwwing and smiles began. The weekend followed with lots of touching of the belly, online crib shopping and lots of talking. They asked the “Will you get married” question, but I think already knew the answer. We explained how we want the wedding to be about us and the love we have for each other, and not about the baby. It will come in due time.

Then came the calls to the sisters, brothers, grandparents and about a week later, to the friends. I think so many people were really thrown off by the lack of squealing-with-excitement. While I was definitely excited, the whole thing just wouldn’t sink in. I saw it on the ultrasound. I knew it was real. But I felt no different. Was there really something in there?

On February 12th, I had my first OB appointment. Full exam, tons of information on things to do and things not to do, and listening to the heartbeat. We weren’t sure going into this appointment if we would be able to hear it, so I went to the appointment alone. Sure enough the nurse said they would try to see if they could hear it. With an urgent “Come now….hurry” text to JP, he showed up just in time. He sat through the question and answer time, and even had many questions of his own. Like when will the gas calm down. And when will she stop waking me up all freaked out from a bad dream. Unfortunately, the answers weren’t what he had hoped, but instead what he had suspected. It’ll be awhile. Then Anna, the Nurse Practioner, laid me back and started hunting for the heartbeat. She explained that it was quite early to be able to hear using the Doppler and if we didn’t hear anything, she would do a quick ultrasound. A few seconds later we heard a boom…..boom…..boom. She quickly noted that was mine. She explained we were trying to hear something much faster. And just as the words were out of her mouth…there it was. A steady and quick little beating. I was staring at the ceiling and burst into tears. I looked quickly at a smiling Anna who said, “Yep, that’s it!” She then said how amazed she was that it was so loud and strong at such an early stage. JP let out a “That’s my boy!” I looked over at him and he had the biggest glowing smile I think I have ever seen. Now I was excited. I heard our tiny little human being. There really is something in there. A strong, living and beating human being. A baby.

It hit me…..I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!