I had all of this dread and fear building up for 9 weeks imagining the day when I would turn over my child...my baby human being... to a stranger to play and feed and talk and snuggle with my baby Judah while I spent 40+ hours a week at work. Jealousy? Not really. Just outright sadness for the unfairness of the situation.
I returned to work on November 8th. Rhonda was amazing in my absence and had everything running like a well-oiled machine. I walked back in just like I had never left. And I did ok with Judah on my first day back because he stayed with family...his gmommy Susan. Daddy even brought Judah by my work about 2pm because he had gotten off early. I made it through without the first tear. I did well all week really. Jacob kept him Tuesday, Krystin Wednesday, me Thursday due to the holiday, and half JP half me on Friday. Yeah I could do that kind of week every week and be fine. However, I noticed all week that I kept getting nauseous randomly throughout the day. Having just been pregnant (obviously) I got a little nervous. Took a couple tests to be sure and they were negative. Birth Control must be working. I soon realized as Monday, November 15th grew closer, the nausea got worse. The looming 1st day at the sitter's. And while I was confident in our choice and excited that there would only be Judah and Savannah (Amber's own 15 week old), leaving him with a stranger was a big step. Huge step. Mammoth step.
Monday morning came and I quickly realized an hour and a half was NOT enough time to get mommy and baby ready. So daddy came to the rescue and got Judah all ready to go. When I got to Amber's house, I quickly filled her in on the loaded bag full of milk for the day, frozen milk for backup, bottles, blankets, diapers, books, toys and paci's that filled the bag. He was set. I told Judah goodbye, touched his little cheek as he gave me his grin, and left. No tears surprisingly. I made it to work mascara intact. Amber even texted throughout the day to fill me in on my little man. I was ok all the way until 5pm when, on a normal day, I would be going home. However, it was meeting day. One at 5pm and one at 6pm. As I sat in the first meeting, I quickly realized the second would be delayed as the agenda kept growing and the meeting kept going. Surprise...tack on a closed session and now we have 3 meetings for the evening. Meeting 2 became meeting 3 and it kicked off at 8pm. I went from franticly looking at the clock to looking with a sinking, heavy feeling of desperation. Things finally concluded and I left for home. I pulled into the driveway at 9pm. Amber had typed up a sheet of his day and I realized that while he seemed really awake when I got home, it wouldn't be long. Most of his naps were between 30 and 45 minutes. I knew after his next warm bottle he would be out for the count. And he was. 9:30p.m. my little Judah-bear was fast asleep. I kissed him and snuggled as lightly as I could not to wake his peaceful sleep. I knew I had to lie him down in the crib and prolonged it as long as possible. And that was it.
All of the dread and fears of leaving him with a stranger were pointless. What I learned was that it wasn't his safety I should have been concerned about on the first day to the sitter, it was the shear quickness of the day.
As I start this paragraph, I find it impossible to relate how I feel. I told Meisha this morning that it is like my body is now two halves. The top half (shoulders up...face and brain) that is superficially happy. The sitter is awesome. Judah loves Amber and Savannah. Work is awesome. Running smoothly and not overwhelming. The house is messy, but overall is in good order. Then there is the bottom half...shoulders down (my stomach and heart). It's heavy, sick and sad. There is this unreal feeling of something pulling me out of my office window and in the direction of my child. To say that I miss him would be a ridiculous understatement. It goes so far beyond that to the absolute need to be with him. I need this in the same way I need air... I feel like I might not make it through my Tuesday.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Play by play of the best day of my life...
Surreal: the only word that comes to mind when I think of the whole experience. I honestly don’t think it ever sunk in...from the time I found out I was pregnant to even now as I hold this beautiful baby. It didn’t even seem real as I was lying on the table in the operating room and could feel the doctor’s hands and instruments inside of me knowing they were supposedly going in to pull out a baby. Instead, they pulled out my heart…and we named him Judah.
The weekend before September 1st we began to realize there was another name that was to make an appearance on what would have been Judah’s birthday: September 2nd. His name was Earl. A tropical depression turned hurricane that began to threaten the Outer Banks. I didn’t start to worry until the only place listed on the overview map on the Weather Channel was Cape Hatteras. My worries turned from “Where would everyone sleep?” to the fact that our families would be driving to the one place they mentioned every two minutes on every weather forecast on every channel. I went for my last appointment on Tuesday, August 31st. Dr. Winfree explained if evacuation was expected, they may have me come in the next day for the surgery, but more likely I would stay on for Thursday with the possibility they would transfer me to Raleigh (Duke) later that day. This made no sense to me. Hours after major surgery they would put me and my brand new little human in an ambulance for 4+ hours…in a storm? Stressed didn’t begin to describe my emotions as I left the office. JP and I went to get Mexican for lunch and I almost couldn’t eat. Almost. It’s Mexican people. There’s always room. Side note: JP half expected Judah to come out crying with an accent as Mexican was a staple throughout the pregnancy. He didn’t. But then again he isn’t talking yet. Olé.
So Tuesday night was the last episode of crazy, nesting/cleaning. I had asked JP to mop and typically he would oblige. However, the day was a little bit eventful and he was tired. His response: “I’ll do it tomorrow.” I broke. Response: “Tomorrow?!?! Tomorrow. Seriously. We could be having a baby tomorrow. Along with a hurricane. I need you to mop tonight.” He thought I was crazy and did not think Judah would be coming any earlier than Thursday as scheduled. Mopping never occurred. The next morning I was supposed to go to work, but decided to call the office and talk to Dr. Winfree and try to understand his logic of why it was better to not do the surgery that day and transport 24+ hours later rather than wait until Thursday and risk being transported only 4+ hours after surgery. I called the office and found out that Dr. Winfree was off that day. So I left a message for Dr. Dwyer. I paced and cleaned and formulated my argument for when he called me back. Then he called at 10am. And this is why I love Dr. Dwyer.
Katie: Hello?
Dr. D: Katie?
Katie: Yes?
Dr. D: Have you eaten today?
Katie: No. A little OJ about 7am. That’s it.
Dr. D: Come to the hospital at 11am. We will either do the surgery or send you home. We are waiting to hear whether the hospital will be evacuating patients on Thursday. If they will be, I’ll send you home. I’d rather have you as one package than be transporting a newborn and a mother hours after surgery. If not, we are having a baby today!
So I called Jacob. No answer. Of course. I swore the whole time I was pregnant that the day I made the phone call he wouldn’t answer. So I texted: Call. 911. The next text was: Wait. Don’t call 911. Call me 911. As in now. He did and I explained we might be having a baby in an hour. And followed that with “I told you to mop last night…”
For the next hour I basically ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. My half packed suit case lay in the floor and for the life of me I couldn’t think of what else I wanted to put in it. So I busied myself sweeping and making beds with clean sheets. When JP walked in at 10:45 I was running around like crazy saying “OMG we are going to be late to our own baby’s birth!” We rolled into the hospital exactly at 11am and checked in. We heard over the loud speaker “Code black” just as we got to Labor and Delivery. I looked at the nurse and she said “Are you Katie?” I replied yes and asked if code black meant we weren’t having a baby. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. She explained we were going to get ready like I would be having surgery that day until we heard differently. I changed into the hospital gown, downed shots of disgusting meds to prevent reflux during surgery, bled out all over the head nurse as she tried to stab the veins in my hand after I calmly explained there was no use and to go for the right arm. I spoke with both the anesthesiologist who would be giving me the spinal block and the one who would be monitoring me throughout surgery. Everyone kept telling me the surgery was on and scheduled for 1pm immediately following a girl who was having one at noon. When I heard they had taken her in I finally let myself believe it was actually going to happen. JP sat in the glider by my bedside anxious and rocking so hard I was afraid he might break the chair. He kept asking if I was nervous. Strangely, I wasn’t. At all. Just ready. In walked Dr. D about 1:30pm. He sat down and explained the meeting of the hospital administration was about to let out and the decision on whether or not to do any more surgeries would be made. I looked at him like he was crazy. I thought of the all of the shots of meds, poking of the needles, fluids that had been run through my body and replied “You still might not do it today?!” Oh to have seen my face. He replied he wasn’t sure but would know shortly and left the room. I looked back at JP speechless. My phone began to ring. This was not unusual as we had sent texts saying we were having a baby. No wait. We might not. No, yes we are. No wait. Don’t get in the car yet, we still don’t know. Etc. He looked down at my phone and it was Dorothy Toolan, Public Relations officer from the County. We work closely on many projects and she was anxious to hear whether the baby was coming or not…even though she was busy putting out announcements evacuating various places on the Outer Banks due to the looming hurricane. I knew she was crazy busy and thus, I was so flattered by her call I told JP to answer. He did and he explained what was going on. Then I could tell he was talking to someone different. He explained “Yes, she is here in the bed with an IV in ready to go.” Shortly there after he hung up and explained he had been talking to Mike Johnson, one of my 8 bosses and the Commissioner of the County assigned to head up the Control Group – the group deciding whether County residents would be asked to evacuate just as they had forced visitors to evacuate earlier that day. JP stated in disbelief “He said no one was evacuating and he was calling the hospital to get you in surgery.” I laughed half thinking he actually would. 5 minutes later…no exaggeration…Dr. D came back in and said I would be heading into surgery shortly. He explained one of the top hospital administrators “who never comes to this floor” came asking what was going on with case #xxxx and asked why I wasn’t in having a c-section. Within the next 30 minutes I was in the OR getting a spinal block. As I lay back on the table, Dr. D (with a grin) says “You tell Mike Johnson when I tell him how to be a Commissioner, he can tell me how to be a doctor.” Apparently, MJ had called. The nurses and doctors readied all the instruments and my body for surgery. I got anxious for the first time just because JP hadn’t yet come into the room. I was afraid they would start without him. When he did come in, he was very careful not to look past the sheet that was at my shoulders. He had been very clear he didn’t want to see any body parts. I started to shake uncontrollably. I almost thought I could control it by deep breathing and talking myself through it. It would help for a second before I would start to shake again. I felt everything. The incision, the pulling and tugging. The vacuuming of fluid. Everything without pain. It was by far the craziest sensation I have ever felt. Then everyone told JP to get up and look. He politely refused. They exclaimed he had to look. He refused again. The pediatrician finally said “You HAVE to look at this part.” So he stood up and the next thing I heard was a baby squeal. I looked over at JP’s face so confused. The rest was such a blur. They called JP over to the bassinet and all I could remember was looking over and seeing a baby leg flailing in the air. I kept thinking that’s a leg! A real LEG! A BABY LEG! That’s him!!! I was so shocked that somehow they managed to pull a real, live baby out of that swollen belly I had been carrying around! They held him by my face and then whisked him off with Jacob to our room. I joined them after they finished putting me back together just in time to see his first bath and then feed him for the very first time. A couple of hours later, friends and family joined us in sharing the amazement of our first child.
I was in on Wednesday and home on Friday. Being at the hospital during the hurricane was actually fun. The nurses who were there were in good moods because of the change of pace. All surgeries for Thursday had been canceled so they were bored and ready to just come by and chat or take Judah for us to catch some z’s. Thursday they encouraged me to walk around. We took our first stroll that night downstairs and outside to see the hurricane up close and personal. It was humid. I didn’t expect it to be that hot. And windy! We watched the rain from our room and it simply looked as if someone was holding a water hose to our window. Friday morning as I was trying to get Judah latched to eat, Jacob got off his oh-so-comfy cot (not) to come and help. He stepped out of bed and said “Ummm we’ve got water.” I didn’t care as I was frantic to get Judah latched as he was hungry and getting frustrated. I replied “I don’t care, I have to get him latched first.” He said “Ummmmm it’s kinda a lot of water.” “I replied more frantic “I DON’T CARE. I have to get him latched first.” Like any good man, he came to the bedside and helped. As soon as Judah was on and feeding, I said “Ok, now what? Water? Where?” I looked down and saw waves of water washing across the floor and Jacob standing ever so patiently in the inches of water that had somehow found its way into our room. That was the most we saw of Earl.
The days and weeks that have followed have been amazing, trying and in a word…surreal…still. It’s just sinking in that I have a son. And he is amazing. Truly the love of my life: Judah Baylor Reid Poulsen. Born September 1, 2010 at 3:09 p.m. weighing 7 lbs 8.6 ounces.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Silver Lining
So here we are at the end. It’s really here. His birthday is no more than 9 days away. WOW. I feel like I have been pregnant forever; however, it has all flown by. The weeks clicked off the calendar faster than we could keep up. And now the time to meet the little human being Jacob and I created is right around the corner…and I couldn’t be more excited.
I went to the doctor last Friday (Aug. 20) and found out I most likely will be having a c-section on September 2nd. While the emotions instantly sprung to my face and I almost burst into tears, I regained my composure long enough to get the details and leave the office. The news really rocked my (our) worlds. I hadn’t really thought of this as a possibility the entire time. I just assumed things would go as they should. But after I had time to let the news sink in, I began thinking it’s actually not such bad news. The silver lining:
1) I am no longer concerned that he is an 11lb baby!
2) I could potentially have this child and never feel a single contraction….and from what I have been told this is a good thing.
3) Most of the fam are 4 hours + away and this gives everyone a date to wrap their brains around and figure out when to leave, where they will be staying, etc.
4) I know that I will meet my son in no more than 9 days….and that alone is worth it.
Now let me clarify, #4 is not because I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. I know that’s hard to believe as this blog follows the last blog that listed the top 20+ negatives of being preggers. Really, much to many mothers' (and significant others dealing with the mothers) amazement, I haven’t been more comfortable the whole time. My body seems to have gotten used to itself (minus constant heartburn that I swear makes me exhale smoke and the fact that I have no ankles). Everyone kept saying the last 4 weeks would drag on. Instead, I was 30 weeks and then blinked….now I am 38 and he will come during my 39th week. I have had a few things to do to pass the time…crazy nesting to name one. This included baseboard cleaning, cleaning the bathrooms on the weekend and then again before each doctor’s appointment just in case, windexing all pictures and glass surface of any kind – and last but not least, building the honey-do list for each evening when J would walk in the door: cleaning air vents, dusting ceiling fans, and pretty much anything else involving electrical wiring and a step ladder.
So that’s it! I’m anxiously awaiting the curtains for the nursery (just as anxiously as I await my next Mexican food fix). Clothes, blankets, socks and hats are pre-washed, hung, folded and waiting. We reached a compromise to have nursery décor that was less baby and what has turned out to be more UNC blue…imagine that. Tomorrow we go back for another check to see if I have moved beyond the 2 centimeters I was dilated at last check. While I would love for things to spring into action earlier, I like the date Sept. 2. It’s a Thursday and for all of you who know me well know that Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. And I think J can use the last week to prepare. Don’t get me wrong….tonight is a full moon and I will be walking, eating spicy and partaking in all of the other old wives tales sans castor oil to see if we can get to meet him any earlier. That really is my whole focus. I just want to see him face-to-face. I simply cannot wait to see what J and I made together. So let's do this thing!
And it hits me again….I'm pregnant! Wow.
I went to the doctor last Friday (Aug. 20) and found out I most likely will be having a c-section on September 2nd. While the emotions instantly sprung to my face and I almost burst into tears, I regained my composure long enough to get the details and leave the office. The news really rocked my (our) worlds. I hadn’t really thought of this as a possibility the entire time. I just assumed things would go as they should. But after I had time to let the news sink in, I began thinking it’s actually not such bad news. The silver lining:
1) I am no longer concerned that he is an 11lb baby!
2) I could potentially have this child and never feel a single contraction….and from what I have been told this is a good thing.
3) Most of the fam are 4 hours + away and this gives everyone a date to wrap their brains around and figure out when to leave, where they will be staying, etc.
4) I know that I will meet my son in no more than 9 days….and that alone is worth it.
Now let me clarify, #4 is not because I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. I know that’s hard to believe as this blog follows the last blog that listed the top 20+ negatives of being preggers. Really, much to many mothers' (and significant others dealing with the mothers) amazement, I haven’t been more comfortable the whole time. My body seems to have gotten used to itself (minus constant heartburn that I swear makes me exhale smoke and the fact that I have no ankles). Everyone kept saying the last 4 weeks would drag on. Instead, I was 30 weeks and then blinked….now I am 38 and he will come during my 39th week. I have had a few things to do to pass the time…crazy nesting to name one. This included baseboard cleaning, cleaning the bathrooms on the weekend and then again before each doctor’s appointment just in case, windexing all pictures and glass surface of any kind – and last but not least, building the honey-do list for each evening when J would walk in the door: cleaning air vents, dusting ceiling fans, and pretty much anything else involving electrical wiring and a step ladder.
So that’s it! I’m anxiously awaiting the curtains for the nursery (just as anxiously as I await my next Mexican food fix). Clothes, blankets, socks and hats are pre-washed, hung, folded and waiting. We reached a compromise to have nursery décor that was less baby and what has turned out to be more UNC blue…imagine that. Tomorrow we go back for another check to see if I have moved beyond the 2 centimeters I was dilated at last check. While I would love for things to spring into action earlier, I like the date Sept. 2. It’s a Thursday and for all of you who know me well know that Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. And I think J can use the last week to prepare. Don’t get me wrong….tonight is a full moon and I will be walking, eating spicy and partaking in all of the other old wives tales sans castor oil to see if we can get to meet him any earlier. That really is my whole focus. I just want to see him face-to-face. I simply cannot wait to see what J and I made together. So let's do this thing!
And it hits me again….I'm pregnant! Wow.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The in between...
Most of the blogs so far have focused on the various life changing realizations that have occurred since saying the words “I’m pregnant” for the first time. How fast time is flying by until our little guy gets here, how will we know what to do or say, how are we going to acquire all of the stuff and where is it going to go, etc. I’ve come to really appreciate my own parents, parents that I know in my life and even those I don’t even know but just happen to witness. That’s probably why I haven’t blogged in awhile. Not only has life and work been crazy busy, my mind seems to be trying to soak up everything around me so that just in case, I might have the knowledge I need to have when I need to have it - so much so that I don’t believe I am even processing it anymore. The thing that I do seem to process is how life has physically changed over the last 7 and a half months. Meisha….poor Meisha….and J have unfortunately had to bear the brunt of these realizations. Meisha even commented one day that I should write down the not so positive and life changing things and blog those, too - the in between part that gets texted to her on a daily basis. After the following post on facebook and the laughs and realizations that mother’s have all been here before…I finally decided to do it. Read at your own risk. No really. A lot of this is not pretty and I did not censor.
(FROM FACEBOOK) Katie VanLear Prego realization #239: pre-pregger dresses can make cute pregger tops. Realization #240: Heels that require buckling straps must be traded in for slip-ons…. #241: Becoming out of breath while getting dressed in the morning is no longer sad…rather it is the norm.
Sandi Hipes Hartley, Margaret Lee, Krista Craft and 6 others like this.
Eryn Van Lear: you're so cute....I'm still waiting for pictures of week 28 and now week 29 :) Love you sissy!!!
Meisha Bellaflores: #242: Heels will soon be traded for flats or just flip flops
Tondalaya VanLear:and #243: Barefooted option feels best of all....
Donna Sears: "Where are my feet?" #244
Jennifer Moore Mears: #241 should also include rolling over in bed.
Jessica Robinson: oh how to true on all of the above :)
Katie VanLear: #245 Getting out of bed, getting up from the sofa and crawling out of a sinking hole all feeling the same is also a new norm.
Lisa Poulsen: IT WONT BE LONG NOW. GLAD TO SEE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! THANKS FOR MAKING FATHERS DAY SPECIAL FOR JACOB. LOVE YOU GUYS.
Cari Tuck Ingram: Very cute status! Oh so true. You will be adding a lot more to that list here very soon lol. Love your profile pic. He will be here before you know it!! Love ya!
Katie VanLear: I have to say I howled laughing at Jennifer's addition to #241 and Donna's #244...only because they are so true :)
1) I had to start using baby powder a full 2 months before baby boy is expected….for all of the sweat pores I never even knew I had.
2) The closet made the following transition: 1) “haha I’m pregnant and can’t fit anything” place; 2) “Oh My God I literally don’t fit anything and have 15 minutes to get to work” place; 3) “@!#$%^& *&%$##$” place….and may I add Willis’s favorite room in the house to drag all of the soaked garments from the hamper from problem mentioned in #1.
3) Realization #57: I’m having a baby. A real live human being. He will be here in t-minus “x” days.
4) I went home one day to find the house empty. A guilty “thank god” flashed in my mind and I sat on the bed and cried for 20 minutes about nothing. Literally nothing.
5) I have no money because it is either going to quickly pay off as much debt as possible or to pay for baby things. I think this will be the case for the rest of my life.
6) I can barely reach my toes to paint them. Thus, I need to have someone do them for me. It’s called a pedicure. It requires what is missing in problem #5.
7) Willis chewed my only pair of black slip-on heels. I either need again what is missing in #5 for a new pair (but why bother? They say my feet will grow and I will permanently lose all of my shoes anyways) or to be able to reach my feet to buckle in the strapped versions I have. That was an interesting site and position in my office floor.
8) I am exhausted. Literally exhausted. I manage to drag myself out of bed and to the dreadful place mentioned in #2, and by 10am I literally feel like I am about to pass out.
9) I have now seen higher numbers on the scale than I ever have in my life. And it continues to grow.
10) In order to stay cool, I have begun wearing mostly skirts and dresses. Great, minus the fact that I now have to also wear gym shorts underneath to help prevent chaffing due to the rubbing of inner thigh caused from a combination of #1 and #9. Therefore, I stay hot. And thus #1, I sweat. And thus #10, I chafe. And thus #1 part 2, I smell like baby powder. And so on.
11) My boobs are huge. They are simply in the way along with the belly. Nuf said.
12) I’m pissy. Like in #4…for absolutely no reason. Things just go right through me and I’m instantly annoyed. And my ability to restrain the subsequent remarks is growing ever so difficult.
13) I am coping with the fact that my body will never be the same. Listen up guys….take that in. Imagine something foreign affecting the way you look and you are helpless. I mean really. NEVER WILL IT BE THE SAME. Maybe my hips will stay wide, maybe I will have stretch marks, my feet could get larger. I am changing likely for the worse and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
14) You start feeling movement as little flutters. I got a “Awwwww how sweet” feeling thinking of the little guy in there moving around. Then I felt the first big kick. I was lying on my side and the kick was so hard that I literally got a visual of a whole leg whalloping my insides. It made me feel very icky and alien. Since then however, the kicks are amazing and I can’t wait to feel the next. I still feel guilty about the icky first feeling though.
15) I was getting ready to shower and was almost 5 and ½ months along. I noticed something crystal-ly on my left breast. Figured it was some lent or something from my bra. I scratched it off and liquid appeared. I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran into the other room completely freaking out. Really let this one sink in too guys. Liquid came from a place where liquid has never been seen. I literally almost had a meltdown. Feeling “icky” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
16) I now sleep with 5 pillows just on my side of the bed laid out in a very specific manner. I feel barricaded. Seeing if JP is even in the bed requires a lot of heavy breathing, maneuvering, lifting and a final heave before I can sit up to see the world around me. Repeat this process for the 7 times I get up at night to pee.
17) I waddle.
18) The need for everyone….and I mean EVERYONE…to comment on my weight and bump. “Oh you look great!” The startled “How far along are you again?” Gotta love “Are you sure it’s not twins?” “All you have gained is definitely pure baby.” “I’m so glad you are pregnant because for the longest time I just thought you were letting yourself go.””Baby weight is the hardest to lose.” “Baby weight is the easiest to lose.” And so forth. The obsession with today’s society and appearance has never been more evident than in the random comments I get daily about my size. God bless the positive ones. Damn the negative ones. But overall, keep it to yourself. In fact, maybe focus on the fact that there is a new human being in there and the size of my stomach really shouldn’t be the focus! Side note: the only two comments I have ever appreciated on this subject…1) “Hey there Jiffy Pop!” only because I laughed hysterically and because it gets a good laugh when I feel awkward after a not so nice comment and tell the story to break the weird silence…and 2) “Honestly Katie, and I mean this, I have always said a woman is never more beautiful than when she is pregnant.” This one got me. I cried. Only because I thought it really summed up the beauty of the whole experience. Thank you, Mr. Gray.
19) And sub-gripe from #18….the ballsiness of random people to comment about my food and beverage choices. Also, keep this to yourself. No one understands better than I that everything that goes in my mouth finds its way through the placenta and directly to my little one. Also understand that no one in this world can possibly love and care for him more than I at this moment. So no….just because I am carrying a travel mug does not mean there is coffee involved. It’s OJ. Just because the jar of Hershey kisses on my desk for my chocolate crazed co-workers is running low, I didn’t eat them all. Maybe the chocolate crazed co-workers did. Just because I stop at McDonalds, it could be just because I have to pee. And MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I AM GETTING A CAFFEINATED SWEET TEA AFTER NOT HAVING ONE FOR 8 MONTHS. FORGIVE ME. I think the child will be okay. And if he is not, I can probably say without a shadow of a doubt that it would not be because of a sweet tea.
20) I get out of breath doing many things. The most demoralizing would be when I have to pee so bad I think I'm not going to make it. I get there and have to unlayer just to find that no....only had to sprinkle and baby must have been on the bladder. Then I have to layer back up and find that I am breathing as hard as if I would have just run a mile and suddenly realizing that bathroom stalls feel much more like chicken coops.
21) My nose bleeds randomly...and often.
22) 3 out of 7 nights I wake up to the worst charlie-horse ever only cured by going through the getting out of bed process described in #16, scaring JP to death, and then attempting to stand until my heel will finally touch the floor.
23) To throw another kink in the whole bedtime thing, I'm a back sleeper. Apparently, I am not allowed to be one while pregnant as the baby will crush my aorta and starve us both from blood flow. So, I created the pillow system described in #16 to help keep me on my side. It works for the most part. However, if I ever wake up on my back I spend the next 15 minutes freaking out hoping that I hadn't been that way for long. When I finally get back to sleep (on my side) and stay there all night, I wake up with a horrbile ache in my hips as they are apparently beginning the "malleable" stage. My hips are squishy. Great.
24) Randomly I look down to find my ankles have disappeared and my toes have turned into vienna sausages. It's scary really.
I am sure there will be more as they come to mind. Stay tuned. Hope you enjoyed.
UPDATE: 25) The newest development: PUPPP (pruritic uticarial pupules and placques of pregnancy) or “polymorphic eruption of pregnancy” -> Gotta love that. My pregnancy is erupting. Itchy rash on the stomach that makes an already itchy stomach more itchy. It’s like a third trimester surprise. 1% of pregnant women get it. Yeah 1%. Lucky me. If only I could have those odds with the lottery? Nope….instead I win even more cocoa butter and the added bonus of cortisone lotion. Silver lining…..it’s nooooooowhere near as bad as any of the pictures googled. So, I consider myself lucky enough.
(FROM FACEBOOK) Katie VanLear Prego realization #239: pre-pregger dresses can make cute pregger tops. Realization #240: Heels that require buckling straps must be traded in for slip-ons…. #241: Becoming out of breath while getting dressed in the morning is no longer sad…rather it is the norm.
Sandi Hipes Hartley, Margaret Lee, Krista Craft and 6 others like this.
Eryn Van Lear: you're so cute....I'm still waiting for pictures of week 28 and now week 29 :) Love you sissy!!!
Meisha Bellaflores: #242: Heels will soon be traded for flats or just flip flops
Tondalaya VanLear:and #243: Barefooted option feels best of all....
Donna Sears: "Where are my feet?" #244
Jennifer Moore Mears: #241 should also include rolling over in bed.
Jessica Robinson: oh how to true on all of the above :)
Katie VanLear: #245 Getting out of bed, getting up from the sofa and crawling out of a sinking hole all feeling the same is also a new norm.
Lisa Poulsen: IT WONT BE LONG NOW. GLAD TO SEE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR! THANKS FOR MAKING FATHERS DAY SPECIAL FOR JACOB. LOVE YOU GUYS.
Cari Tuck Ingram: Very cute status! Oh so true. You will be adding a lot more to that list here very soon lol. Love your profile pic. He will be here before you know it!! Love ya!
Katie VanLear: I have to say I howled laughing at Jennifer's addition to #241 and Donna's #244...only because they are so true :)
1) I had to start using baby powder a full 2 months before baby boy is expected….for all of the sweat pores I never even knew I had.
2) The closet made the following transition: 1) “haha I’m pregnant and can’t fit anything” place; 2) “Oh My God I literally don’t fit anything and have 15 minutes to get to work” place; 3) “@!#$%^& *&%$##$” place….and may I add Willis’s favorite room in the house to drag all of the soaked garments from the hamper from problem mentioned in #1.
3) Realization #57: I’m having a baby. A real live human being. He will be here in t-minus “x” days.
4) I went home one day to find the house empty. A guilty “thank god” flashed in my mind and I sat on the bed and cried for 20 minutes about nothing. Literally nothing.
5) I have no money because it is either going to quickly pay off as much debt as possible or to pay for baby things. I think this will be the case for the rest of my life.
6) I can barely reach my toes to paint them. Thus, I need to have someone do them for me. It’s called a pedicure. It requires what is missing in problem #5.
7) Willis chewed my only pair of black slip-on heels. I either need again what is missing in #5 for a new pair (but why bother? They say my feet will grow and I will permanently lose all of my shoes anyways) or to be able to reach my feet to buckle in the strapped versions I have. That was an interesting site and position in my office floor.
8) I am exhausted. Literally exhausted. I manage to drag myself out of bed and to the dreadful place mentioned in #2, and by 10am I literally feel like I am about to pass out.
9) I have now seen higher numbers on the scale than I ever have in my life. And it continues to grow.
10) In order to stay cool, I have begun wearing mostly skirts and dresses. Great, minus the fact that I now have to also wear gym shorts underneath to help prevent chaffing due to the rubbing of inner thigh caused from a combination of #1 and #9. Therefore, I stay hot. And thus #1, I sweat. And thus #10, I chafe. And thus #1 part 2, I smell like baby powder. And so on.
11) My boobs are huge. They are simply in the way along with the belly. Nuf said.
12) I’m pissy. Like in #4…for absolutely no reason. Things just go right through me and I’m instantly annoyed. And my ability to restrain the subsequent remarks is growing ever so difficult.
13) I am coping with the fact that my body will never be the same. Listen up guys….take that in. Imagine something foreign affecting the way you look and you are helpless. I mean really. NEVER WILL IT BE THE SAME. Maybe my hips will stay wide, maybe I will have stretch marks, my feet could get larger. I am changing likely for the worse and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
14) You start feeling movement as little flutters. I got a “Awwwww how sweet” feeling thinking of the little guy in there moving around. Then I felt the first big kick. I was lying on my side and the kick was so hard that I literally got a visual of a whole leg whalloping my insides. It made me feel very icky and alien. Since then however, the kicks are amazing and I can’t wait to feel the next. I still feel guilty about the icky first feeling though.
15) I was getting ready to shower and was almost 5 and ½ months along. I noticed something crystal-ly on my left breast. Figured it was some lent or something from my bra. I scratched it off and liquid appeared. I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran into the other room completely freaking out. Really let this one sink in too guys. Liquid came from a place where liquid has never been seen. I literally almost had a meltdown. Feeling “icky” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
16) I now sleep with 5 pillows just on my side of the bed laid out in a very specific manner. I feel barricaded. Seeing if JP is even in the bed requires a lot of heavy breathing, maneuvering, lifting and a final heave before I can sit up to see the world around me. Repeat this process for the 7 times I get up at night to pee.
17) I waddle.
18) The need for everyone….and I mean EVERYONE…to comment on my weight and bump. “Oh you look great!” The startled “How far along are you again?” Gotta love “Are you sure it’s not twins?” “All you have gained is definitely pure baby.” “I’m so glad you are pregnant because for the longest time I just thought you were letting yourself go.””Baby weight is the hardest to lose.” “Baby weight is the easiest to lose.” And so forth. The obsession with today’s society and appearance has never been more evident than in the random comments I get daily about my size. God bless the positive ones. Damn the negative ones. But overall, keep it to yourself. In fact, maybe focus on the fact that there is a new human being in there and the size of my stomach really shouldn’t be the focus! Side note: the only two comments I have ever appreciated on this subject…1) “Hey there Jiffy Pop!” only because I laughed hysterically and because it gets a good laugh when I feel awkward after a not so nice comment and tell the story to break the weird silence…and 2) “Honestly Katie, and I mean this, I have always said a woman is never more beautiful than when she is pregnant.” This one got me. I cried. Only because I thought it really summed up the beauty of the whole experience. Thank you, Mr. Gray.
19) And sub-gripe from #18….the ballsiness of random people to comment about my food and beverage choices. Also, keep this to yourself. No one understands better than I that everything that goes in my mouth finds its way through the placenta and directly to my little one. Also understand that no one in this world can possibly love and care for him more than I at this moment. So no….just because I am carrying a travel mug does not mean there is coffee involved. It’s OJ. Just because the jar of Hershey kisses on my desk for my chocolate crazed co-workers is running low, I didn’t eat them all. Maybe the chocolate crazed co-workers did. Just because I stop at McDonalds, it could be just because I have to pee. And MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I AM GETTING A CAFFEINATED SWEET TEA AFTER NOT HAVING ONE FOR 8 MONTHS. FORGIVE ME. I think the child will be okay. And if he is not, I can probably say without a shadow of a doubt that it would not be because of a sweet tea.
20) I get out of breath doing many things. The most demoralizing would be when I have to pee so bad I think I'm not going to make it. I get there and have to unlayer just to find that no....only had to sprinkle and baby must have been on the bladder. Then I have to layer back up and find that I am breathing as hard as if I would have just run a mile and suddenly realizing that bathroom stalls feel much more like chicken coops.
21) My nose bleeds randomly...and often.
22) 3 out of 7 nights I wake up to the worst charlie-horse ever only cured by going through the getting out of bed process described in #16, scaring JP to death, and then attempting to stand until my heel will finally touch the floor.
23) To throw another kink in the whole bedtime thing, I'm a back sleeper. Apparently, I am not allowed to be one while pregnant as the baby will crush my aorta and starve us both from blood flow. So, I created the pillow system described in #16 to help keep me on my side. It works for the most part. However, if I ever wake up on my back I spend the next 15 minutes freaking out hoping that I hadn't been that way for long. When I finally get back to sleep (on my side) and stay there all night, I wake up with a horrbile ache in my hips as they are apparently beginning the "malleable" stage. My hips are squishy. Great.
24) Randomly I look down to find my ankles have disappeared and my toes have turned into vienna sausages. It's scary really.
I am sure there will be more as they come to mind. Stay tuned. Hope you enjoyed.
UPDATE: 25) The newest development: PUPPP (pruritic uticarial pupules and placques of pregnancy) or “polymorphic eruption of pregnancy” -> Gotta love that. My pregnancy is erupting. Itchy rash on the stomach that makes an already itchy stomach more itchy. It’s like a third trimester surprise. 1% of pregnant women get it. Yeah 1%. Lucky me. If only I could have those odds with the lottery? Nope….instead I win even more cocoa butter and the added bonus of cortisone lotion. Silver lining…..it’s nooooooowhere near as bad as any of the pictures googled. So, I consider myself lucky enough.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A watched pot never boils.........
The days are literally flying by but it still seems so far away that baby boy will be joining us. I feel like I blinked and missed the past couple months. Everyday I see this swollen belly and cannot fathom something living in there. Not only is it something but its a human. Sometimes it weirds me out. Katie constantly places my hand on her belly to try to feel the love taps he frequently gives her throughout the day. I must say it is surreal to feel him moving around. We are so curious as to what is going on in there that we opted to buy a personal doppler. I was skeptical how this $20 piece of plastic was going to allow us to hear our baby. I have blown $20 on more pointless things so it was worth the risk. While I was excited to use it, I was not nearly as excited as Katie. She sent me out to the gas station at 1030 at night to get batteries to try it out. By the time I returned she had already destroyed the packaging and had the headphones on ready for me to put in the batteries. So I put the batteries in and needless to say, I was not too impressed. It picked up on each little movement of your hand as you swiped it across her belly. There was no clear distinction between us touching the doppler and the sound of a baby inside. While I feel like it is just what you would expect from a $20 fisher price item, Katie keeps it on the nightstand hoping it will work better as the baby grows. Speaking of size,the book states the baby is as long as my forearm. He must really be cramped in there. As we enter the 3rd trimester, the pressure seems to be mounting. There are a million things that we still need, a million things we need to do to prepare. Katie's family threw her a baby shower and we received a lot of exciting and cute things. Our baby room has gotten cluttered with all kinds of clothes and toys. I dont think I have seen so many diapers before, however I've been told I cannot have too many diapers. In 2 weeks, we get to see our baby's first picture, or 3rd I guess but first of him while he is big. We are scheduled to do the 3-D ultrasound and I have to say that from what I have seen of them, I'm excited. The detail of the baby is unreal and so life-like. We also are supposed to start pregnancy classes or something like that soon. I'm not real sure how I feel about that yet. The whole birthing procedure kinda has me worried. I can handle a lot of blood and gore on tv or in pics but I'm not sure I'm ready for that in person. Hopefully the class will prepare me for that as well as how to handle having a new baby. Everyone has tips on what and what not to do with a new baby. I am soaking it all in like a sponge but I have a feeling when he arrives I'm just going to freeze up do what my instinct says. We have made some progress on the hunt for a name but it will remain a secret until the big day. We have to eye him over to make sure it fits before we announce it. While the baby is the most exciting news in our life right now and has been since we found out, we are making some pretty big strides in life too. The baby really got us motivated and I'm thankful for that. We are quickly working our way towards financial freedom as well as hunting for a permanent dwelling we want to call home. House hunting is exciting and scary at the same time but we welcome the challenge. We have been watching plenty of HGTV to have a keen eye and know what to look for when buying. We are no experts by any means but we are both smart enough to not get into something that does not fit our needs or overextend our budget. Also on the homefront, Willis is continually getting bigger. I'd say he is a rowdy teenager now. He tests his limits daily and we have to squash his behavior before he gets out of hand often. He shows his intelligence everyday and it scares me what he knows at such a young age. There are no more housetraining accidents and he loves his crate when he is put to bed or put away while we go to work. He is scheduled to be neutered (OH NO!!!!!!) this week and I know he and I both will be sad by that. Dogs are overbreed these days and I do not want to have to deal with that if it happened. So, less than 3 months until the little one is here. I'll try to update more often than I have been but I dont see our life slowing down anytime soon.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The secret world of parenting....take 1
The phrase “Older and Wiser” never made more sense. I feel like as I approach 30, I start to realize just how naïve I have been for most of my life. I touched on this subject in an earlier blog about my Mom making breakfast every morning for her girls. I took it for granted and never realized the time she sacrificed to do that, and the fact that making breakfast every morning was just one of the MANY things. Dad always gave me a hard time saying I owed him a week’s vacation for coming into this world late. I think back to all of the stories of my childhood and find that so many of them take on a new light. A week’s vacation is a LOT. He always laughed when he said it, but here I am counting up every last sick and vacation day I can to make sure I don’t give birth and then leave the hospital and go straight to work!
I talked today with a lady at work about her child getting ready for college. Her daughter wants the same things all girls at her age want…to live at the cool apartments, to go to school in an awesome place even though it may be 17 hours away and twice the cost, and to look at majors that aren’t necessarily practical for actually getting a job post college. I remember being so idealistic back then…dragging my parents on a 34-hour road trip to visit Kansas State only to pick JMU. “Following my heart” which caused me to switch majors in my senior year from something practical to something philosophical. I found myself discussing how idealistic “kids” are. I realized I was that too not so long ago…making the big decisions based on emotion and not logic. I look back and am glad I did so because it has made me who I am today. But I realize that my parents knew all along…they were older and wiser and knew things might have been easier if the logical decision would have been made. But they also knew those are the decisions that shape us and therefore, offered nothing but support.
The biggest realization I am currently having is how every parent I have ever talked to says you don’t truly know love until you have looked into the eyes of your child. So many moms say that it was amazing to have their own heart made human and now living outside of their body. I can’t imagine what that will be like. And yet I see that this fact, like so many of the other things I am just taking off the blinders to see, will likely be how I, too, feel. My worry now is whether I can become wiser quick enough to tell my child the right things….to offer support instead of trying to convince them otherwise. To know when to bite my tongue and let them figure it out on their own. While I thought I had become wiser learning that is it better to "put it out there" than risk miscommunication, I feel like I am just discovering the secrets my parents have had and that made them so good at parenting. When does this knowledge come? I need it and now. I hope this all comes with the moment of birth….along with some unexpected vacation days I might have missed in calculation :) Because I know once I do lay eyes on the little person I made with the man I love…no amount of time off will be enough. I have a feeling a lot of that needed knowledge will fall into place when I see him for the first time and know that all I could ever do is love and support him in whatever his heart desires.
I talked today with a lady at work about her child getting ready for college. Her daughter wants the same things all girls at her age want…to live at the cool apartments, to go to school in an awesome place even though it may be 17 hours away and twice the cost, and to look at majors that aren’t necessarily practical for actually getting a job post college. I remember being so idealistic back then…dragging my parents on a 34-hour road trip to visit Kansas State only to pick JMU. “Following my heart” which caused me to switch majors in my senior year from something practical to something philosophical. I found myself discussing how idealistic “kids” are. I realized I was that too not so long ago…making the big decisions based on emotion and not logic. I look back and am glad I did so because it has made me who I am today. But I realize that my parents knew all along…they were older and wiser and knew things might have been easier if the logical decision would have been made. But they also knew those are the decisions that shape us and therefore, offered nothing but support.
The biggest realization I am currently having is how every parent I have ever talked to says you don’t truly know love until you have looked into the eyes of your child. So many moms say that it was amazing to have their own heart made human and now living outside of their body. I can’t imagine what that will be like. And yet I see that this fact, like so many of the other things I am just taking off the blinders to see, will likely be how I, too, feel. My worry now is whether I can become wiser quick enough to tell my child the right things….to offer support instead of trying to convince them otherwise. To know when to bite my tongue and let them figure it out on their own. While I thought I had become wiser learning that is it better to "put it out there" than risk miscommunication, I feel like I am just discovering the secrets my parents have had and that made them so good at parenting. When does this knowledge come? I need it and now. I hope this all comes with the moment of birth….along with some unexpected vacation days I might have missed in calculation :) Because I know once I do lay eyes on the little person I made with the man I love…no amount of time off will be enough. I have a feeling a lot of that needed knowledge will fall into place when I see him for the first time and know that all I could ever do is love and support him in whatever his heart desires.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Things the baby wants.....
Because we constantly get asked if we are registered somewhere, we finally registered at Babies R Us. Not everything that we like is at there so we created a list of other things followed with a link to where it can be found. If there is no link, we have not found the specific one we like and are still looking. If you have any suggestions on any of these items feel free to voice them.
Anything Baby UNC
Baby swing http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Zen-Collection-Cradle-Swing/dp/B0011MQLNQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1273428064&sr=8-1
Bottles: (starter set) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Free-Starter/dp/B001G4RWG4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709276&sr=1-1
(5 oz) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Bottle-3-Pack/dp/B001R1SOSG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-2
(9 oz) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Bottle-3-Pack/dp/B000KI8XXI/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-3
Nipple Stage 1: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Stage-Nipple/dp/B000UGVHMO/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-6
Nipple Stage 2: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Stage-Nipple/dp/B000UGUF5O/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-4
Diapers (Mainly 1's and 2's) & Wipes
Nursery Radio http://www.crutchfield.com/p_718IS208/iLive-IS208B.html?tp=44
Timberland 6” Boot
http://www.zappos.com/timberland-kids-6-premium-waterproof-boot-scuff-proof-core-infant-toddler-wheat-scuff-proof
Carhartt Jacket
http://www.carhartt.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10101&storeId=10051&productId=133641&langId=-1&categoryId=37375
JMU Onesie
http://www.bkstr.com/ProductDisplay/10001-10034-10317-17828434-1?demoKey=d
JMU Onesie (Butter)
http://www.bkstr.com/ProductDisplay/10001-10034-10317-12367988-1?demoKey=d
Camcorder
Canon HF-M30
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Canon+-+VIXIA+3.89MP+High-Definition+Digital+Camcorder+with+2.7
Breast pump - Medela
http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Style-Advanced-Breast-Shoulder/dp/B0011E5LYE
Anything Baby UNC
Baby swing http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Zen-Collection-Cradle-Swing/dp/B0011MQLNQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1273428064&sr=8-1
Bottles: (starter set) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Free-Starter/dp/B001G4RWG4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709276&sr=1-1
(5 oz) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Bottle-3-Pack/dp/B001R1SOSG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-2
(9 oz) http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Bottle-3-Pack/dp/B000KI8XXI/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-3
Nipple Stage 1: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Stage-Nipple/dp/B000UGVHMO/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-6
Nipple Stage 2: http://www.amazon.com/First-Years-Breastflow-Stage-Nipple/dp/B000UGUF5O/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products&qid=1274709375&sr=1-4
Diapers (Mainly 1's and 2's) & Wipes
Nursery Radio http://www.crutchfield.com/p_718IS208/iLive-IS208B.html?tp=44
Timberland 6” Boot
http://www.zappos.com/timberland-kids-6-premium-waterproof-boot-scuff-proof-core-infant-toddler-wheat-scuff-proof
Carhartt Jacket
http://www.carhartt.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10101&storeId=10051&productId=133641&langId=-1&categoryId=37375
JMU Onesie
http://www.bkstr.com/ProductDisplay/10001-10034-10317-17828434-1?demoKey=d
JMU Onesie (Butter)
http://www.bkstr.com/ProductDisplay/10001-10034-10317-12367988-1?demoKey=d
Camcorder
Canon HF-M30
http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Canon+-+VIXIA+3.89MP+High-Definition+Digital+Camcorder+with+2.7
Breast pump - Medela
http://www.amazon.com/Medela-Style-Advanced-Breast-Shoulder/dp/B0011E5LYE
Friday, May 7, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The Guessing Game is over!!!!
CLICK PIC TO ZOOM!!!!!From now on, April 15 has taken on a new meaning for me. Last Thursday, we had a Dr's appointment and our first ultrasound since week 7 I believe. The only image I have in my head of the baby is what I've gathered from the gazillion books on our coffee table. How much did the baby grow in this time period? It seems as though it has been an eternity since we have seen anything. Yea the heartbeat is exciting to hear but I'm more of a visual guy. Also, this might be the day we are able to see if we are having a little boy or girl. Now, my preference has already been stated but in all reality just seeing a healthy baby would mean the most to me. The day of the ultrasound I was as nervous as Katie....maybe even more so. I was excited and she could see it all over my face. The doctor started the ultrasound off by showing us the baby's skull and brain. While Katie and the Dr were picking out the features, all I could see was a screen of black and white abstract art. "Hallucinate with me" is what the Dr suggested. As I stared a little longer I could begin to make out the separate parts. To be able to see the heart beating was amazing. To finally put a picture to something we had been hearing for the past 13 weeks was awesome to say the least. The Dr then proceeded down the body and showed us the backbone and ribs and stomach and it all looked to be in good working order. I was content at that point. While he was moving the wand around I could see the baby waving his arms and legs around. I would get claustrophobic if I was stuck in there. Now looking at all this was all fine and dandy but the Dr knew exactly what I was wanting to see. I think he was teasing us by taking his time looking over the entire body. When he passed over an area that looked to be two large circles, he pointed out that those are the two legs. Low and behold, there was a protruding member between the two legs.......IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I was amazed.....I was happy before with having a healthy baby but now that I find out it's a boy....I'm ecstatic. All the time being told by everyone that they had envisioned it being a girl, I had prepared myself for that outcome. When little boy rolled around and showed us his parts I couldn't of been happier. I still walk around with a grin all day thinking about it. Every store we go in I always keep an eye out for things the little guy will like to wear or play with. Since he is the first grandkid on my side and the first grand son on Katie's side I have a feeling he will be spoiled. Let's hope that we as parents can keep him grounded. We have been hounded to put together a baby registry and now we finally can narrow things down to all boy things. Naming has also become an obsession of ours. Every time I watch a movie, I watch the credits now to see if any names pop out at me. While we are taking suggestions on names, we are not going to disclose the name until he enters this world. Maybe I like the secret part or maybe I just think that we have to see him before we can give him a name that is fitting. I actually am getting a little nervous about the responsibility of naming someone. Giving a silly name to a dog can create a laughter in a room and be otherwise harmless. The dog will not feel ashamed of his name or will he be ridiculed by other dogs because his name sounds "girly" or "weird". I do not want to handicap our child because we chose a name that is not widely accepted. I also do not want to choose a name that is common or lackluster. Us, as well as every other parent, thinks our child is special, unique and deserves a name to fit. So much pressure. I guess it will all fall into place in due time. As the due date rapidly comes closer, I find myself being more conservative with money also. We are going to have to provide for this little human so I guess I need to balance my budget accordingly. While this summer is my last before parenthood, I need to be at least partially responsible and save some of what I earn. No longer can we go out to eat 3-4 times a week and travel every weekend. Baby will be here before we know it and I want to be prepared.....as prepared as I can be.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Our peach on miracle grow...
I keep finding myself wondering…”When is the part where it all slows down?” The days and weeks - and now months - keep flying past with increasing speed. This really came into perspective when a new friend, Sara, shared stories of two of her friends who had premature babies. The kicker was that they were born at about 6 months. 6 MONTHS! I am almost 5!!!!!! Instantly I began thinking “I’m not ready!” Even though my belly suddenly popped out over the past couple of weeks and I have begun to feel little flutters every once in awhile….it all seems surreal…still. I realized that I hadn't read any of the dozens of books laying around at home updating me on baby size in quite awhile. So, last Friday I did. It described the baby as being the size of my open hand. OPEN HAND. That's big! Last I read (s)he was a peach! And although I’ve had many of the symptoms of pregnancy and I have read that these are all symptoms of pregnancy….it just won’t sink in. The next day I’m fine and all is back to normal – minus the fact that most of my clothes now need to be packed away for next year. I warned Jp that if this sudden growth spurt doesn't slow down and I end up giving birth to a 10 pound baby...he will pay.
I find myself thinking about the baby as an actual baby much more. At one of my recent doctor’s appointments, the doctor listened to the heartbeat for a really long time. Typically it has been a quick 10 second check “Yep, it’s still there!” But this time, she wanted to listen for any irregularities and listened for over a straight minute. The only noise filling the room was our little baby beating as hard as (s)he could. I instantly felt a much stronger connection. All of those motherly instincts of protection and overwhelming love filled me (and of course I cried…again). I sent a quick text to Jp on my way back to work that said “I’m in love with our baby.” A simple, heartfelt “Me too” came back. I felt the connection of our little family really solidify in those moments.
Even after all of these connections, symptoms, communications and visuals show a growing baby…a growing family, it simply won’t sink in that I can be this lucky…this happy….this in love.
Next, I will eat sugary danish for breakfast this coming Thursday to hopefully get the baby moving so we can see exactly whether there is a little spigot on our new love. And for all of you who have texted, emailed and facebooked asking for pictures of the growing baby-bump…you can thank Mr. Willis for their nonexistence on our blog thus far. Apparently, he thought the camera cord was on the menu. We will update with pictures soon!
I find myself thinking about the baby as an actual baby much more. At one of my recent doctor’s appointments, the doctor listened to the heartbeat for a really long time. Typically it has been a quick 10 second check “Yep, it’s still there!” But this time, she wanted to listen for any irregularities and listened for over a straight minute. The only noise filling the room was our little baby beating as hard as (s)he could. I instantly felt a much stronger connection. All of those motherly instincts of protection and overwhelming love filled me (and of course I cried…again). I sent a quick text to Jp on my way back to work that said “I’m in love with our baby.” A simple, heartfelt “Me too” came back. I felt the connection of our little family really solidify in those moments.
Even after all of these connections, symptoms, communications and visuals show a growing baby…a growing family, it simply won’t sink in that I can be this lucky…this happy….this in love.
Next, I will eat sugary danish for breakfast this coming Thursday to hopefully get the baby moving so we can see exactly whether there is a little spigot on our new love. And for all of you who have texted, emailed and facebooked asking for pictures of the growing baby-bump…you can thank Mr. Willis for their nonexistence on our blog thus far. Apparently, he thought the camera cord was on the menu. We will update with pictures soon!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Time moves too fast......
So it feels like just the other day that we got the "BIG" news. The shock value seems to have disappeared until I talk with someone else that has yet to hear of our special package coming. When I get to tell someone new it excites me again as if it the first time I am hearing it myself. The days keep going by faster and the weeks that we thought were so far off are now approaching us at a speed greater than we anticipated. We have less than 6 months until the baby is here. Six months until we are responsible for the well-being of another life. When I think about it in those terms then I get a little anxious. I am by no means ready to take on another life. I guess there is really no way for me to delay this is there? Can I just have the baby grow in the womb until I feel confident that I am ready? While Katie may not enjoy that, I think it might be the easiest route. While most women who have had a baby and even those who have not will disagree when I say pregnancy is equally as stressful on the man as the woman. No, I do not have to carry the baby but I do feel the extra pounds being added to my figure from always having to have a snack in between meals. And as hard as we try to have healthy snacks laying around, the occasional bowl of ice cream or candy finds its way into my diet. Keeping up the woman's morale is also a very important yet overlooked issue that us men sometimes forget. Every morning I am hit with the "how does this look" followed by the "nothing fits" grumble in the closet. I know it can be discouraging when you find yourself gaining weight and going from a very attractive fit young woman to a very attractive young woman with a "pooch"....this is the only word I have found to not be offensive ;) I find it very difficult to describe to the disgruntled woman that she is just as attractive if not more so because she is carrying something that we created. I just do my best and say positive things. She keeps reading in books that we should be able to "see" this or "feel" that but up until the other night I had not experienced any of these things without the aid of sophisticated scientific instruments (doppler). While giving the nightly belly rub, I felt a little firm line running across the lower abdomen. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say its the uterus....at least that's what the books are saying I should be feeling by now. Even if it really isnt the uterus, I'll tell people that cause it makes me feel like we are progressing. The doctor visit this past Friday was encouraging but not as exciting as the previous ones. I guess I'm getting hard to please. We heard the heartbeat again and there was no mistaking it.....Its gotta be a boy. It was beating so strongly through the doppler I thought I would be able to hear it if I just put my ear to the belly. No such luck. We have 4 more long weeks until the next visit where we could possibly find out if it XX or XY. If we find out its going to be a girl, I am quite happy with the newest Male addition to our family, Willis Poulsen. Willis is a blue male pit bull with one blue eye and one hazel eye. He is only 15 weeks old and acts even younger. We have been having dog withdrawals for quite sometime and finally pulled the trigger. At times I have questioned our decision but while he curls up with us in the bed or on the couch and passes out snoring I know we made the right choice. Housetraining has been difficult and frustrating to say the least but I think this is great training for us with whats about to come. For some reason I don't think we have to worry about the other baby biting us or nawing on the corner of the couch. I could be wrong though. I have seen some pretty odd behavior out of little people. So as time flys by, we keep on trying to accomplish things all the while waiting on this baby to arrive. If you review our itinerary, you would think we are not affected by this so called economic recession. Virginia Beach shopping one weekend, touring San Francisco and drinking wine in Napa Valley the next (no not the expectant mother), Gloucester to visit Dad, Betsy and Nook. Down time is at a premium right now and I do not see it becoming easily attainable in the future. As we wish these weeks by to hear more exciting news and watch the development of the baby....I just want to take it a little slower and cherish the moment. We are only here once and I want to capitalize on that. Living in the NOW
Friday, March 19, 2010
The many faces of JP...
I’ve always made fun of all of Jacob’s faces. He makes a face when he thinks I’m being crazy. He makes a face when he’s concentrating. Another when he is trying not to smile. Another when he has a lot to say, but won’t say it. One when he is perturbed. Even one for scrubbing (dishes, the car, the floor, etc.). There are tons of them. And he has had them all of his life it seems. I have looked back through pictures of his childhood and see the same faces based on whatever situation is in the picture. While so many people think he is shy or “hard to read,” I have found that if you know the faces, you know what’s going on inside.
But there is a new face that I only realized today… the second time I saw the face. It happened when the doctor placed the Doppler on my stomach. He was midsentence in a discussion with Jacob about a subject other than the baby. The Doppler touched-down and the heartbeat came across loud and clear. I looked over at Jacob and saw it, for the second time. It was the same face I got on February 12th when we heard our baby’s heart beating for the first time. Complete elation only begins to describe it.
I have prided myself on naming these faces and pointing them out to him when they appear. He always laughs or rolls his eyes. And even though I have given him a hard time our entire relationship about all of his faces…this one is amazing. This one is indescribable. This one…we love.
But there is a new face that I only realized today… the second time I saw the face. It happened when the doctor placed the Doppler on my stomach. He was midsentence in a discussion with Jacob about a subject other than the baby. The Doppler touched-down and the heartbeat came across loud and clear. I looked over at Jacob and saw it, for the second time. It was the same face I got on February 12th when we heard our baby’s heart beating for the first time. Complete elation only begins to describe it.
I have prided myself on naming these faces and pointing them out to him when they appear. He always laughs or rolls his eyes. And even though I have given him a hard time our entire relationship about all of his faces…this one is amazing. This one is indescribable. This one…we love.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
It's the little reminders
I would be lying if I said that my slowly increasing body size wasn’t on my mind daily…if not hourly. I’m pretty sure the next time someone (especially a man) reminds me that weight gained with a baby is harder to lose, I may snap. I usually smile politely, nodding. However, next time I might land a “And you think I’m not conscious of this very fact with every 10th of a pound that shows up on the scale?!” Instead I usually reassure them of my knowledge of this fact by explaining my gym schedule and what the actual DOCTOR has explained. Typically this sends them into the “Don’t overdo it” discussion. It’s a never ending cycle.
However, this whole issue came speeding into perspective at my most recent trip to the gym last night. Jp was in a ridiculously goofy mood and after trying to get going on the glider machine while laughing so hard I was crying, I finally began the cardio portion of the workout routine. Not two minutes in I had a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Taken by surprise, I quickly got off the machine and stretched a little longer before attempting again. 10 seconds into the restart it happened again and kept cramping. So I went to the locker room and sat for a few minutes before giving it one last shot. No go. It made me really nervous, but also sad because I want so bad to keep fit and keep the routine up. Jp offered the explanation that possibly it was the expansion and pulling of all those tendons and muscles to accommodate our growing pea pod. A call to the nurse today confirmed it. I told her I was shocked that it was that sharp and painful and she explained how much it varies for each person and pregnancy. My next appointment is this Friday and that helps to know they will be checking everything out. But I realized I spent the first trimester looking towards the goal of completing that 12 weeks and feeling so relieved to enter the 13th week with everything going well, that I completely relaxed when I actually started week 13. I was shocked last night at how comfortable and confident I had gotten in 3 short weeks, and how precious completing each week really is. A very real reminder that there is a real, live little person growing in there….and that the increasing body size is for that baby we hope to hold this coming September….makes those tenths of pounds not so horrible.
We get our second “communication” with that little person this Friday when we hope to hear the heartbeat a second time. I think I will be that girl who cries every time I hear it. AND Friday will be the completion of week 15. I am beginning to love Fridays for reasons I didn’t see coming :)
However, this whole issue came speeding into perspective at my most recent trip to the gym last night. Jp was in a ridiculously goofy mood and after trying to get going on the glider machine while laughing so hard I was crying, I finally began the cardio portion of the workout routine. Not two minutes in I had a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Taken by surprise, I quickly got off the machine and stretched a little longer before attempting again. 10 seconds into the restart it happened again and kept cramping. So I went to the locker room and sat for a few minutes before giving it one last shot. No go. It made me really nervous, but also sad because I want so bad to keep fit and keep the routine up. Jp offered the explanation that possibly it was the expansion and pulling of all those tendons and muscles to accommodate our growing pea pod. A call to the nurse today confirmed it. I told her I was shocked that it was that sharp and painful and she explained how much it varies for each person and pregnancy. My next appointment is this Friday and that helps to know they will be checking everything out. But I realized I spent the first trimester looking towards the goal of completing that 12 weeks and feeling so relieved to enter the 13th week with everything going well, that I completely relaxed when I actually started week 13. I was shocked last night at how comfortable and confident I had gotten in 3 short weeks, and how precious completing each week really is. A very real reminder that there is a real, live little person growing in there….and that the increasing body size is for that baby we hope to hold this coming September….makes those tenths of pounds not so horrible.
We get our second “communication” with that little person this Friday when we hope to hear the heartbeat a second time. I think I will be that girl who cries every time I hear it. AND Friday will be the completion of week 15. I am beginning to love Fridays for reasons I didn’t see coming :)
Friday, February 19, 2010
"Ohhhhh nooooo"
Me: So, I’ve got some news!
Him: You aren’t leaving are you?
Me: Nope! But I am pregnant.
Him: What?! Oh my. Ohhhhh myyyyy…..
Me: (laughing) yep!
Him: Ohhhhh nooooooo!
Me: What?! What’s wrong?
Him: Well, (clears throat) I mean…..what’s next?
Me: Well, I guess we have a baby!
That was my favorite reaction to the news thus far. I still chuckle about it! As I have begun to tell people at work, you can tell they are DYING to ask, when’s the wedding? But no one will! And if they don’t have the kahunas to ask…then they won’t get my response on the subject.
Other breaking of the news went great. I told 3 of my 8 bosses this week. The Chairman, a Commissioner and the County Manager. All of them reacted in much of the same way. Huge smiles, stories of their own children, plenty of congratulations, and even offers of putting a crib in the meeting room. The Chairman was left speechless and finally said “I feel like my 17 year old little girl just told me she was pregnant!” He ended the convo with “whatever you do, don’t miss a day. Bring the baby to work.” I said “I don’t know, there may be a couple days where I am not here” thinking it has to get into this world somehow!
The more people I tell, the more real it gets! After hearing the heartbeat, everything became real and sharing the news became exciting, often times fun, and not anxiety producing like in the beginning. I’m with JP, I’m ready for “her” to be here now! But am trying to take it each day at a time, enjoy being in regular clothes for a little while longer and looking forward to each step. But I still can’t help counting down the days until my next appointment when we can hear that beautiful sound again.
I had an eye opening moment this week. The doctor asked about my diet and encouraged more protein. So I have gotten up each morning 10 minutes earlier to make an old favorite…an egg, cheese and ham in a tortilla wrap. The second morning while I was folding the wrap in aluminum foil to take to work, it hit me. Mom used to do this for us all the time (with the addition of fresh herbs cut that morning from the garden). Even into high school. HIGH SCHOOL! In high school I should have been making my own wrap! But between her getting ready for work and getting everyone out of the door on time, she took time to make sure we had a nutritious breakfast. I found myself wondering, am I ready to do that? Am I ready to shorten my “me” time in the morning (and every other part of the day) to make a wrap every day for someone else? But then I know once I lay eyes on that tiny bundle of love, giving the world to him/her will not feel like enough. And then I’m ready to have the baby here with me now. Besides….the baby won’t be quite ready for wraps in the beginning anyways ;)
My favorite part of the day has been going home to reenact the reactions of the day for JP. We giggle about them and always find ourselves in a much deeper conversation about details of life once the baby is here. I have begun to wonder, what did we even talk about before all of this?
We’ve recently begun a spinning class. I have gotten many reactions from this. "Ohhh you shouldn’t do that." And "Oh that’s good because you can work out as hard or easy as you want!" JP has been reading in some of the many books we have been given and apparently read a passage regarding my heart rate and the need to keep it under a certain number. Last night as the instructor yells “SPRINT” I look up in the mirrored wall to see JP glaring at me. I look over and he points to his chest and then to the floor as if to sign “keep that heart rate down!” It’s times like these, and even sometimes just as I stand beside him doing dishes at the end of the night, I think how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, sensitive and caring person to share a child with. That man is my B.D.
And I find it isn't in spinning class, or right before I tell someone the news, but times like those when I struggle to keep my heart rate down...
Him: You aren’t leaving are you?
Me: Nope! But I am pregnant.
Him: What?! Oh my. Ohhhhh myyyyy…..
Me: (laughing) yep!
Him: Ohhhhh nooooooo!
Me: What?! What’s wrong?
Him: Well, (clears throat) I mean…..what’s next?
Me: Well, I guess we have a baby!
That was my favorite reaction to the news thus far. I still chuckle about it! As I have begun to tell people at work, you can tell they are DYING to ask, when’s the wedding? But no one will! And if they don’t have the kahunas to ask…then they won’t get my response on the subject.
Other breaking of the news went great. I told 3 of my 8 bosses this week. The Chairman, a Commissioner and the County Manager. All of them reacted in much of the same way. Huge smiles, stories of their own children, plenty of congratulations, and even offers of putting a crib in the meeting room. The Chairman was left speechless and finally said “I feel like my 17 year old little girl just told me she was pregnant!” He ended the convo with “whatever you do, don’t miss a day. Bring the baby to work.” I said “I don’t know, there may be a couple days where I am not here” thinking it has to get into this world somehow!
The more people I tell, the more real it gets! After hearing the heartbeat, everything became real and sharing the news became exciting, often times fun, and not anxiety producing like in the beginning. I’m with JP, I’m ready for “her” to be here now! But am trying to take it each day at a time, enjoy being in regular clothes for a little while longer and looking forward to each step. But I still can’t help counting down the days until my next appointment when we can hear that beautiful sound again.
I had an eye opening moment this week. The doctor asked about my diet and encouraged more protein. So I have gotten up each morning 10 minutes earlier to make an old favorite…an egg, cheese and ham in a tortilla wrap. The second morning while I was folding the wrap in aluminum foil to take to work, it hit me. Mom used to do this for us all the time (with the addition of fresh herbs cut that morning from the garden). Even into high school. HIGH SCHOOL! In high school I should have been making my own wrap! But between her getting ready for work and getting everyone out of the door on time, she took time to make sure we had a nutritious breakfast. I found myself wondering, am I ready to do that? Am I ready to shorten my “me” time in the morning (and every other part of the day) to make a wrap every day for someone else? But then I know once I lay eyes on that tiny bundle of love, giving the world to him/her will not feel like enough. And then I’m ready to have the baby here with me now. Besides….the baby won’t be quite ready for wraps in the beginning anyways ;)
My favorite part of the day has been going home to reenact the reactions of the day for JP. We giggle about them and always find ourselves in a much deeper conversation about details of life once the baby is here. I have begun to wonder, what did we even talk about before all of this?
We’ve recently begun a spinning class. I have gotten many reactions from this. "Ohhh you shouldn’t do that." And "Oh that’s good because you can work out as hard or easy as you want!" JP has been reading in some of the many books we have been given and apparently read a passage regarding my heart rate and the need to keep it under a certain number. Last night as the instructor yells “SPRINT” I look up in the mirrored wall to see JP glaring at me. I look over and he points to his chest and then to the floor as if to sign “keep that heart rate down!” It’s times like these, and even sometimes just as I stand beside him doing dishes at the end of the night, I think how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, sensitive and caring person to share a child with. That man is my B.D.
And I find it isn't in spinning class, or right before I tell someone the news, but times like those when I struggle to keep my heart rate down...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
