Our peach on miracle grow...

I keep finding myself wondering…”When is the part where it all slows down?” The days and weeks - and now months - keep flying past with increasing speed. This really came into perspective when a new friend, Sara, shared stories of two of her friends who had premature babies. The kicker was that they were born at about 6 months. 6 MONTHS! I am almost 5!!!!!! Instantly I began thinking “I’m not ready!” Even though my belly suddenly popped out over the past couple of weeks and I have begun to feel little flutters every once in awhile….it all seems surreal…still. I realized that I hadn't read any of the dozens of books laying around at home updating me on baby size in quite awhile. So, last Friday I did. It described the baby as being the size of my open hand. OPEN HAND. That's big! Last I read (s)he was a peach! And although I’ve had many of the symptoms of pregnancy and I have read that these are all symptoms of pregnancy….it just won’t sink in. The next day I’m fine and all is back to normal – minus the fact that most of my clothes now need to be packed away for next year. I warned Jp that if this sudden growth spurt doesn't slow down and I end up giving birth to a 10 pound baby...he will pay.

I find myself thinking about the baby as an actual baby much more. At one of my recent doctor’s appointments, the doctor listened to the heartbeat for a really long time. Typically it has been a quick 10 second check “Yep, it’s still there!” But this time, she wanted to listen for any irregularities and listened for over a straight minute. The only noise filling the room was our little baby beating as hard as (s)he could. I instantly felt a much stronger connection. All of those motherly instincts of protection and overwhelming love filled me (and of course I cried…again). I sent a quick text to Jp on my way back to work that said “I’m in love with our baby.” A simple, heartfelt “Me too” came back. I felt the connection of our little family really solidify in those moments.

Even after all of these connections, symptoms, communications and visuals show a growing baby…a growing family, it simply won’t sink in that I can be this lucky…this happy….this in love.

Next, I will eat sugary danish for breakfast this coming Thursday to hopefully get the baby moving so we can see exactly whether there is a little spigot on our new love. And for all of you who have texted, emailed and facebooked asking for pictures of the growing baby-bump…you can thank Mr. Willis for their nonexistence on our blog thus far. Apparently, he thought the camera cord was on the menu. We will update with pictures soon!

Time moves too fast......

So it feels like just the other day that we got the "BIG" news. The shock value seems to have disappeared until I talk with someone else that has yet to hear of our special package coming. When I get to tell someone new it excites me again as if it the first time I am hearing it myself. The days keep going by faster and the weeks that we thought were so far off are now approaching us at a speed greater than we anticipated. We have less than 6 months until the baby is here. Six months until we are responsible for the well-being of another life. When I think about it in those terms then I get a little anxious. I am by no means ready to take on another life. I guess there is really no way for me to delay this is there? Can I just have the baby grow in the womb until I feel confident that I am ready? While Katie may not enjoy that, I think it might be the easiest route. While most women who have had a baby and even those who have not will disagree when I say pregnancy is equally as stressful on the man as the woman. No, I do not have to carry the baby but I do feel the extra pounds being added to my figure from always having to have a snack in between meals. And as hard as we try to have healthy snacks laying around, the occasional bowl of ice cream or candy finds its way into my diet. Keeping up the woman's morale is also a very important yet overlooked issue that us men sometimes forget. Every morning I am hit with the "how does this look" followed by the "nothing fits" grumble in the closet. I know it can be discouraging when you find yourself gaining weight and going from a very attractive fit young woman to a very attractive young woman with a "pooch"....this is the only word I have found to not be offensive ;) I find it very difficult to describe to the disgruntled woman that she is just as attractive if not more so because she is carrying something that we created. I just do my best and say positive things. She keeps reading in books that we should be able to "see" this or "feel" that but up until the other night I had not experienced any of these things without the aid of sophisticated scientific instruments (doppler). While giving the nightly belly rub, I felt a little firm line running across the lower abdomen. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say its the uterus....at least that's what the books are saying I should be feeling by now. Even if it really isnt the uterus, I'll tell people that cause it makes me feel like we are progressing. The doctor visit this past Friday was encouraging but not as exciting as the previous ones. I guess I'm getting hard to please. We heard the heartbeat again and there was no mistaking it.....Its gotta be a boy. It was beating so strongly through the doppler I thought I would be able to hear it if I just put my ear to the belly. No such luck. We have 4 more long weeks until the next visit where we could possibly find out if it XX or XY. If we find out its going to be a girl, I am quite happy with the newest Male addition to our family, Willis Poulsen. Willis is a blue male pit bull with one blue eye and one hazel eye. He is only 15 weeks old and acts even younger. We have been having dog withdrawals for quite sometime and finally pulled the trigger. At times I have questioned our decision but while he curls up with us in the bed or on the couch and passes out snoring I know we made the right choice. Housetraining has been difficult and frustrating to say the least but I think this is great training for us with whats about to come. For some reason I don't think we have to worry about the other baby biting us or nawing on the corner of the couch. I could be wrong though. I have seen some pretty odd behavior out of little people. So as time flys by, we keep on trying to accomplish things all the while waiting on this baby to arrive. If you review our itinerary, you would think we are not affected by this so called economic recession. Virginia Beach shopping one weekend, touring San Francisco and drinking wine in Napa Valley the next (no not the expectant mother), Gloucester to visit Dad, Betsy and Nook. Down time is at a premium right now and I do not see it becoming easily attainable in the future. As we wish these weeks by to hear more exciting news and watch the development of the baby....I just want to take it a little slower and cherish the moment. We are only here once and I want to capitalize on that. Living in the NOW

The many faces of JP...

I’ve always made fun of all of Jacob’s faces. He makes a face when he thinks I’m being crazy. He makes a face when he’s concentrating. Another when he is trying not to smile. Another when he has a lot to say, but won’t say it. One when he is perturbed. Even one for scrubbing (dishes, the car, the floor, etc.). There are tons of them. And he has had them all of his life it seems. I have looked back through pictures of his childhood and see the same faces based on whatever situation is in the picture. While so many people think he is shy or “hard to read,” I have found that if you know the faces, you know what’s going on inside.

But there is a new face that I only realized today… the second time I saw the face. It happened when the doctor placed the Doppler on my stomach. He was midsentence in a discussion with Jacob about a subject other than the baby. The Doppler touched-down and the heartbeat came across loud and clear. I looked over at Jacob and saw it, for the second time. It was the same face I got on February 12th when we heard our baby’s heart beating for the first time. Complete elation only begins to describe it.

I have prided myself on naming these faces and pointing them out to him when they appear. He always laughs or rolls his eyes. And even though I have given him a hard time our entire relationship about all of his faces…this one is amazing. This one is indescribable. This one…we love.

It's the little reminders

I would be lying if I said that my slowly increasing body size wasn’t on my mind daily…if not hourly. I’m pretty sure the next time someone (especially a man) reminds me that weight gained with a baby is harder to lose, I may snap. I usually smile politely, nodding. However, next time I might land a “And you think I’m not conscious of this very fact with every 10th of a pound that shows up on the scale?!” Instead I usually reassure them of my knowledge of this fact by explaining my gym schedule and what the actual DOCTOR has explained. Typically this sends them into the “Don’t overdo it” discussion. It’s a never ending cycle.

However, this whole issue came speeding into perspective at my most recent trip to the gym last night. Jp was in a ridiculously goofy mood and after trying to get going on the glider machine while laughing so hard I was crying, I finally began the cardio portion of the workout routine. Not two minutes in I had a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Taken by surprise, I quickly got off the machine and stretched a little longer before attempting again. 10 seconds into the restart it happened again and kept cramping. So I went to the locker room and sat for a few minutes before giving it one last shot. No go. It made me really nervous, but also sad because I want so bad to keep fit and keep the routine up. Jp offered the explanation that possibly it was the expansion and pulling of all those tendons and muscles to accommodate our growing pea pod. A call to the nurse today confirmed it. I told her I was shocked that it was that sharp and painful and she explained how much it varies for each person and pregnancy. My next appointment is this Friday and that helps to know they will be checking everything out. But I realized I spent the first trimester looking towards the goal of completing that 12 weeks and feeling so relieved to enter the 13th week with everything going well, that I completely relaxed when I actually started week 13. I was shocked last night at how comfortable and confident I had gotten in 3 short weeks, and how precious completing each week really is. A very real reminder that there is a real, live little person growing in there….and that the increasing body size is for that baby we hope to hold this coming September….makes those tenths of pounds not so horrible.

We get our second “communication” with that little person this Friday when we hope to hear the heartbeat a second time. I think I will be that girl who cries every time I hear it. AND Friday will be the completion of week 15. I am beginning to love Fridays for reasons I didn’t see coming :)

"Ohhhhh nooooo"

Me: So, I’ve got some news!
Him: You aren’t leaving are you?
Me: Nope! But I am pregnant.
Him: What?! Oh my. Ohhhhh myyyyy…..
Me: (laughing) yep!
Him: Ohhhhh nooooooo!
Me: What?! What’s wrong?
Him: Well, (clears throat) I mean…..what’s next?
Me: Well, I guess we have a baby!

That was my favorite reaction to the news thus far. I still chuckle about it! As I have begun to tell people at work, you can tell they are DYING to ask, when’s the wedding? But no one will! And if they don’t have the kahunas to ask…then they won’t get my response on the subject.

Other breaking of the news went great. I told 3 of my 8 bosses this week. The Chairman, a Commissioner and the County Manager. All of them reacted in much of the same way. Huge smiles, stories of their own children, plenty of congratulations, and even offers of putting a crib in the meeting room. The Chairman was left speechless and finally said “I feel like my 17 year old little girl just told me she was pregnant!” He ended the convo with “whatever you do, don’t miss a day. Bring the baby to work.” I said “I don’t know, there may be a couple days where I am not here” thinking it has to get into this world somehow!

The more people I tell, the more real it gets! After hearing the heartbeat, everything became real and sharing the news became exciting, often times fun, and not anxiety producing like in the beginning. I’m with JP, I’m ready for “her” to be here now! But am trying to take it each day at a time, enjoy being in regular clothes for a little while longer and looking forward to each step. But I still can’t help counting down the days until my next appointment when we can hear that beautiful sound again.

I had an eye opening moment this week. The doctor asked about my diet and encouraged more protein. So I have gotten up each morning 10 minutes earlier to make an old favorite…an egg, cheese and ham in a tortilla wrap. The second morning while I was folding the wrap in aluminum foil to take to work, it hit me. Mom used to do this for us all the time (with the addition of fresh herbs cut that morning from the garden). Even into high school. HIGH SCHOOL! In high school I should have been making my own wrap! But between her getting ready for work and getting everyone out of the door on time, she took time to make sure we had a nutritious breakfast. I found myself wondering, am I ready to do that? Am I ready to shorten my “me” time in the morning (and every other part of the day) to make a wrap every day for someone else? But then I know once I lay eyes on that tiny bundle of love, giving the world to him/her will not feel like enough. And then I’m ready to have the baby here with me now. Besides….the baby won’t be quite ready for wraps in the beginning anyways ;)

My favorite part of the day has been going home to reenact the reactions of the day for JP. We giggle about them and always find ourselves in a much deeper conversation about details of life once the baby is here. I have begun to wonder, what did we even talk about before all of this?

We’ve recently begun a spinning class. I have gotten many reactions from this. "Ohhh you shouldn’t do that." And "Oh that’s good because you can work out as hard or easy as you want!" JP has been reading in some of the many books we have been given and apparently read a passage regarding my heart rate and the need to keep it under a certain number. Last night as the instructor yells “SPRINT” I look up in the mirrored wall to see JP glaring at me. I look over and he points to his chest and then to the floor as if to sign “keep that heart rate down!” It’s times like these, and even sometimes just as I stand beside him doing dishes at the end of the night, I think how lucky I am to have such a thoughtful, sensitive and caring person to share a child with. That man is my B.D.

And I find it isn't in spinning class, or right before I tell someone the news, but times like those when I struggle to keep my heart rate down...

BABY?!?!?!?!

.....So I've moved past the element of surprise and am now residing in a state of euphoria. Hearing the heartbeat of something you created with the woman you love makes all other things surrounding me fall to the wayside and irrelevant. Unemployment, unstable housing, dreadful weather, our god-awful economy, the constant pressure to be progressing in life........none of these mattered while listening to that little heart beating at its torrid pace. "He" must be as excited as I am about "his" arrival. I say "he" making it seem as if I'm biased towards wanting a boy. We have this ongoing discussion about what we think it is, what we want it to be, and would be disappointed if we didn't get what we want. While she "wants" a girl and I "want" a boy. I think we both agree on the fact that all we really care for is a healthy baby, boy or girl. Even though the sex of the baby is determined at conception, we have had some insight from some that seem to think there is a scientific approach to choosing which sex you will make. In all reality, I could care less.....its either gonna be Daddy's little man or Daddy's little girl...I'll take either one at this point. Often I find myself wishing the baby to be here now....like this instance. Not that I am actually ready for that to happen, financially, physically, or emotionally, but all the talk about it has me eager to meet this being we have created. I really should look at this pregnancy like one is supposed to look at life, its not about the destination but the journey to get there....or something like that. While there are many uncomfortable times during pregnancy, yes even for us men, there are some very touching moments and I'm only a few months into this. The heartbeat got me down deep but now everytime I look down at her stomach (since I cant technically see the uterus) I think there is something special in there. When we are laying around watching a movie, I rub her belly and just wonder what is going on in there. I look forward to each doctors appointment just because I get to see progress and life forming in front of my very eyes. The books tell you about the emotional rollercoaster during pregnancy and blame it on hormones and such. At first I thought it was just one of those things they stereotype at pregnancy. Along with all the great things we are experiencing together, there is little petty arguments and disagreements that just escalate from nothing. I like to blame them on the pregnancy so I try to back off a little but it is taxing on a relationship. We argue about what to eat for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to go to the gym, when to go to bed, what to wear, which car to drive, where to go shopping. When I say "It's cold outside, which coat would you like?"....she responds "I don't need a coat, I have a sweater on". While she may be perfectly fine and warm, I'm wondering "what if the baby is cold?" He cant tap her on the belly and say "I'm chilly mommy, put on a coat" From her perspective it may seem as though I'm trying to force her into wearing a coat but in reality I'm just trying to do whats best to protect the both of them. If it is starting already I am afraid of what I might turn into once he/she gets here. I dont want to turn into the parent that puts saran wrap around everything and constantly bathes the child in hand sanitizer. I suppose there is a fine line to walk here and I'm teetering on the more protective side. I suppose I just need to take a step back, take a deep breath and realize that everything is going to be fine. She will not freeze without her coat, I will not die if I do not get to watch an overly bloody, violent movie, and we will grow as a family with the addition of a boy or girl.
-Jacob-

And the cat is out of the bag...

So the parental units show up late Friday evening (Jan. 29th). As we helped them get their bags in, JP passed me each time with a nervous grin. He couldn’t hardly contain himself! I was surprisingly calm. Extremely calm. I had been all week! I even considered peeing on another test just to be absolutely sure before they walked in the door….it just seems so surreal! Meanwhile JP had counted each day. I wasn’t nervous until the time was nearing and I caught a glimpse of the wrapped gift under the cocktail table. With pie eaten and bed time looming…I grabbed the gift and told mom she had one more gift from Christmas that she needed to open. She looked so confused. I told her we found it. So she opened the package with a quizzical look. She peeled back the tissue paper with 4 eyes on her (me and JP) and 4 eyes on the package (Dad and herself). She looks down to see a printed Kid’s First license plate with “NOMA 2” written on it. I saw Dad look away instantly with a slight grin. Mom kept looking with the quizzical face and finally said “You got me a license plate?” Then she got it. She slowly lifted the license plate to see two ultrasound pictures of our little sea creature at 7 weeks. Then the hugging and awwwing and smiles began. The weekend followed with lots of touching of the belly, online crib shopping and lots of talking. They asked the “Will you get married” question, but I think already knew the answer. We explained how we want the wedding to be about us and the love we have for each other, and not about the baby. It will come in due time.

Then came the calls to the sisters, brothers, grandparents and about a week later, to the friends. I think so many people were really thrown off by the lack of squealing-with-excitement. While I was definitely excited, the whole thing just wouldn’t sink in. I saw it on the ultrasound. I knew it was real. But I felt no different. Was there really something in there?

On February 12th, I had my first OB appointment. Full exam, tons of information on things to do and things not to do, and listening to the heartbeat. We weren’t sure going into this appointment if we would be able to hear it, so I went to the appointment alone. Sure enough the nurse said they would try to see if they could hear it. With an urgent “Come now….hurry” text to JP, he showed up just in time. He sat through the question and answer time, and even had many questions of his own. Like when will the gas calm down. And when will she stop waking me up all freaked out from a bad dream. Unfortunately, the answers weren’t what he had hoped, but instead what he had suspected. It’ll be awhile. Then Anna, the Nurse Practioner, laid me back and started hunting for the heartbeat. She explained that it was quite early to be able to hear using the Doppler and if we didn’t hear anything, she would do a quick ultrasound. A few seconds later we heard a boom…..boom…..boom. She quickly noted that was mine. She explained we were trying to hear something much faster. And just as the words were out of her mouth…there it was. A steady and quick little beating. I was staring at the ceiling and burst into tears. I looked quickly at a smiling Anna who said, “Yep, that’s it!” She then said how amazed she was that it was so loud and strong at such an early stage. JP let out a “That’s my boy!” I looked over at him and he had the biggest glowing smile I think I have ever seen. Now I was excited. I heard our tiny little human being. There really is something in there. A strong, living and beating human being. A baby.

It hit me…..I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!